Something Missing
by XFurubaX
Summary: Strange things have been happening to Eli ever since Vegas Night. When things can't get any stranger, Jake arrives.
1. Chapter 1

**XFurubaX: Hey guys! I'm back! I wanted to say THANK YOU for reviewing and supporting my last fic! It meant so much! 3**

**Sorry for my random disappearance. End of school and lovely exams…But this summer I've got treats for you! =D! **

**This is an Eclare fanfic. In this fic, it takes place directly after the events of Vegas Night and when the new rules take place. Nothing to do with the "In Too Deep" series however, I am including new character Jake in it. ENJOY!**

Out of all the things that had to come into Eli's life, Mark Fitzgerald had to be one of them. The two never even acknowledged each other's existences until Fitz decided to jack Eli's car…or hearse for no apparently good reason. After half a year of one revenge after the other, Vegas Night came. Clare, finally sick of the tension agreed to go with Fitz _only _if he swore to never bother either her or Eli again.

But Eli _still _needed the last laugh.

When they proposed an apology toast, Eli had slipped some little "secret" of his into one of the drinks to make Fitz puke…unfortunately it worked.

Clare, only angry at herself for not realizing he'd do it, finally let it out.

"What ever Fitz does to you, you deserve it!"

…Clare didn't mean it but what came next was far from what either one expected.

Fitz had brought a knife…

"Ok, look Fitz-I'm sorry! For Every-"

"Quiet!…"

He finally had him cornered at a locker. "Someone's gotta make you shut up."

He lunged the knife at him. Eli jerked back, and Clare screamed and…nothing. Eli had only gotten the piss scared out of him but afterward, things changed…

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Two weeks later, winter break was over, and Degrassi was barely recognizable. Uniforms, no cell phones (or any electronics), name tags, no public displays of affection. Nothing any other high school _would _have. Eli was almost positive that no one could hate the uniforms more than him. He missed wearing all black to school. He felt…naked without it.

The halls were unusually quiet albeit the murmurs of how much everyone hated the new policy. When he reached his locker, Clare was no where in sight. Unfortunately for him. He hadn't said a word to her since the Vegas Night incident. He wanted to talk to her but was never able to reach her over the break.

He sighed, aggravated with _everything_. On the bright side, Fitz would be serving his time in prison.

He walked into his English class where Mrs. Dawes was walking toward her desk and everyone was already seated. He saw Clare, staring into her notebook, tapping the desk with the eraser of her pencil. Adam was copying the vocabulary words on the board, glancing at Clare with a concerned look every few seconds. There was an empty seat right next to her. He wanted to sit there but for some reason found himself walking to a seat completely on the other side of the class.

"_Why the hell aren't you sitting next to Clare? THIS is when your supposed to talk thing out!"_

Instead, he started to copy the vocabulary words like the rest of the class.

Once it was over, Clare darted out of the classroom and rushed off down the hallway for some reason. Eli couldn't see past the guy sitting next to him's head, and couldn't even get a glance at what Clare was doing. He ran to the doorway, standing there watching her turn into the girl's bathroom, he saw her face scrunching up and wiping underneath her eye with her hand…as if about to cry. Adam walked up next to him, looking at her as well.

"What's wrong with Clare?"

Adam turned at him, almost immediately turning away and sighing. Walking off.

Eli figured since he wouldn't see them again until lunch, he decided he'd shrug it off until then. However as he sat in his Science class, his mind kept wandering off. Why didn't Clare notice him when he walked in, or at least show him she knew he was there? Why wouldn't Adam talk to him either? Why the hell did they need dress codes?

"Excuse me!"

Eli jumped up a little, startling back into reality. He was sure his teacher caught him zoning out but he pointed to the student directly next to him.

"Can you quiet down? There are people here who'd like to listen."

The boy next to him snickered going back to chatting with the one behind him. Eli stared at the clock, waiting for the stupid hand to hit the 3.

"_My god this class drags on so slow…why wouldn't Clare talk to me? What was she upset about?…Oh god…what if she's still mad about the Fitz problem?"_

It had to be that. But Clare isn't the kind of person who just stops talking to people without telling them why she wouldn't want to be around them first. He suddenly arose out of his thoughts to hear his teacher;

"As you know, 90% of the mass in an organism is formed of 4 ele-"

Eli laid his head back down, he learned this in 4th grade. He just wanted to get to lunch…to settle things out, so the weird knot in his stomach would just, go away. When the time came however, he wasn't as anxious as he thought he would be. He went to sit at him, Clare and Adam's usual table but when he arrived, neither one of them were there. He sat down, assuming neither one of them got out of class yet. After a minute or two, he took his lunch bag out of his book bag and sat it on the table. Looking at the cafeteria doors carefully to see if he could catch them. After a few _more_ minutes, he took an apple out from his brown bag and took a bite out of it. Finally, his eyes started wandering around the numerous table of the cafeteria when he noticed the first weird thing…Clare.

She was sitting at another table alone with her and Alli Bhandari. They looked as if they were having a serious conversation about something. He felt a little hurt. But she couldn't be clung around his shoulder all the time…but god, he _really _wanted to talk to her. Then the second weird thing happened. He saw Adam. Standing at another table far from them. Dave, Connor and Wesley were talking to him, as if trying to get him to sit down. There was a strange sadness in Adam's eyes. After a second of a few mouthed words he couldn't understand, Adam set his bag down, sitting between Dave and Wesley.

Then, the third weird thing happened.

He looked back over at Clare and Alli, Clare was wiping her eyes as she leaned closer to Alli, who was wrapping her arms around her. Tears fells out of her eyes. She buried her face into Alli's shoulder. He looked down at his apple.

Had _he _done this? Was it all that he couldn't let Fitz get away and he nearly got stabbed because of it? …

Or was something happening at home?…What if family problems were going on?

He looked back up at Clare. She was looking directly at him, with big, shiny eyes full of tears and a rather pitiful face. She then looked ahead of her, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and her face scrunching up as if about to _bawl_ and hid her face once again.

Maybe it _was _him.

He looked away, a feeling of unknown guilt took over. And the knot in his stomach pulled even tighter.

When the dismissal bell rang, Eli walked down the halls in hope of finding Clare or Adam, but he was out of luck as the school grew emptier and emptier. He walked home that afternoon. That morning Morty wouldn't start for some reason and he hardly had any time to figure out the problem (due to oversleeping). He always cut through his neighbors backyard to get to his house. When he was 11 he had always walked home from school and created his own little short cut through his neighbors hedge (which he wasn't necessarily happy about) to avoid a longer walk, and got to his house through the back door.

"Dad?"

He walked in the back door which led to the kitchen, shutting the door behind him, the blinds slamming against the glass always made him jump a little.

No one answered.

"Mom?"

He was sure his mom was still working her shift at the local diner and his dad was probably sleeping due to being up doing his radio show until 3 A.M. He took off his jacket and went to the living room. He was about to go upstairs until he heard something at the couch. He stood on the first step trying to see over the head rests,

His parents were both sitting there, talking quietly to each other. He couldn't tell if it was an argument or if they were upset about something. He walked towards the living room, sitting on the small coffee table in front of them, he realized his mother was crying and his father was _trying _to calm her down.

"_Fuck!" _"Mom, you ok?" He tried grabbing her hand but she lifted it upward, wiping her tears. His father looked at him, nodding 'no' before bringing her to a hug.

"Did something happen?"

What if she lost her job?

He looked at his dad, he saw that he was trying not to get worked up himself. Eli stood up, "Did-did grandma die?"

Again, no response.

"She died didn't she?"

Cece stood up, walking upstairs. His father stood up, watching her.

"Dad, what happened?"

His dad sighed, not answering him. He sat back down on the couch cupping his head in his hands. Eli got more and more worried. He knew something was going on and if his parents wouldn't tell him, it _had _to be something awful. He rushed up the stairs to his parents room.

"Mom-!" he stopped when he got to the door. His mother was on the bed, her face buried into the pillow. He backed out of the room a little, but instead he sat on the edge of the bed next to his mother. He looked at her for a second, before he gently rubbed her arm. Trying to comfort her.

Whatever was wrong.

xXx

Clare laid on her bed. Eyes exhausted and wet. She stared at the ceiling, the sun was directly out of her window, bringing much light into the room. A notebook and a pencil laid untouched on her desk. She tried to write something, but nothing could come out. She had been laying down for almost fifteen minutes, listening to the war that was going on downstairs. Clare turned to her side to get a better listen. She got so fed up when her parents fought. Especially when it was over the silliest things.

Right now it was… what to have for dinner.

"_Seriously?"_

She sat up, suddenly laziness took over and she ended up getting a little more ear of what was going on. She pulled herself up and slowly walked down the steps. She got kind of afraid when she actually saw the war; her mother and father fighting in the kitchen. She cautiously and slowly walked in. As a child would when wanting to ask a stranger for help.

"M-mom?"

The two continued for a second, backing away from each other then looking at Clare with aggravated expressions.

"Uh,…"

"_Think of something Edwards!"_

"After dinner, you want to watch a movie? As a family?"

"_Good enough."_

Clare's mother seemed to calm down a bit, "I don't know baby, it's a school night."

Clare hesitated to continue, but somehow managed to spit out the words. "Well how about while we eat dinner together?"

WHY did she say _that_?

"Sure, if your father can make up his mind."

"I thought we had a plan-!"

The two were suddenly frenzied up again, Clare backed away, before she turned around and finally headed back to her room. At least she had stopped the fight for a short second. But she couldn't stand the thought of them being a broken family. The thought of _divorce_.

She laid on her bed again, the sun had set a little more and less light shown in her room. Her parents seemed to fight less when it got dark she realized. Every afternoon, she couldn't wait for the sun to set.

xXx

"_What if the house is foreclosing?"_

Many negative thoughts continued to race through Eli's head as he turned the dial on the locker. Whatever made his parents so upset the night before he _had _to know. Why the hell wouldn't they tell him? Eli's thoughts soon became irrational;

"_What if dad got drafted to Afghanistan?"_

He walked into his English class, he looked for Clare but she wasn't there. He saw Adam next to what would be her seat, writing down answers to the questions on the board. He went and sat on the seat on the other side of hers.

"Adam!" he whispered leaning over the side of the desk. Mrs. Dawes didn't seem to notice. "Adam, have you seen Clare?" Adam didn't hear him. But as if on cue, Clare walked in the room, her hands clasped over her mouth and her eyes red, tears drying on her cheeks. Everyone looked at her confused, and Eli was concerned. After standing there for a second, Clare looked away from the other students, sitting down in her usual seat.

Eli tried not to seem like he knew while Clare opened her binder, standing it on the table trying to create a barrier between her and the rest of the class. Eli realized she obviously didn't want to talk.

Suddenly, a boy, about 15 years old with deep brown hair and blue eyes stepped in. He had a purple slip in his hand.

"Hello? Is this Mrs. Dawes's room?"

Mrs. Dawes stood up from her desk, "Yes, can I help you?"

The boy walked to the desk, handing her the slip.

"Jake Toal?"

'Jake' nodded.

She pointed to an empty seat in front of Eli. "Right there is fine."

He sat down, Eli had to look around him to see the board. He was a sophomore as indicated by the purple shirt. He looked around the room checking out the other students. He then looked at the binder next to him. Clare didn't even raise her head to see what he looked like. In fact, her head was laid down, resting on her arms.

Eli then remembered the routine for _every _new student. Girls would get a good shot at him to determine if he's cute or not. And guys would check him out to see if he's worth pummeling if they felt like it.

Jake however was very quiet the rest of the class. He didn't raise his hand for anything, nor try to introduce himself to anyone. When class was over, he was in fact the first to get up and rush out. As everyone else stood up, taking their bags with them out the door, Eli slowly stood up waiting to see if Clare was going to move. She just remained at her seat with her head down. He slowly put his things in his bag, still no movement. Mrs. Dawes walked over to her desk, bending down to eye-level.

"Clare?" she said quietly.

Eli finally gave up and slowly backed out of the room, watching Clare slowly lift her head, revealing gleaming tears on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

**XFurubaX: Hey guys! I hope you liked my first chapter. I'll be posting chapter 3 soon! When I get at least 5 reviews…Please help! Thanks! ~ Xoxo XFurubaX**

Eli was sitting alone again at lunch that day, however, so was Clare. He was watching her stare at her lunch bag with her chin resting on her hand. He wasn't eating himself, with what was going on at home, this wasn't any help either. He told himself he'll eat, if she eats…so far he was still sitting there.

He sighed as he leaned back in his chair. He wanted to walk over there and sit with her. He wanted to so badly, but he couldn't. He had no idea what he would say to her;

_Hey Clare, sorry I got myself beat up on purpose, poisoned Fitz to make him vomit then nearly got stabbed for it. We can at least still be friends right?_

HELL no.

He looked back at Clare, and then he noticed something peculiar. Jake was sitting at a table on the other side of her, staring at her as well. He held his lunch bag, half sitting, half standing. Eli could tell he wanted to sit by her.

"_Fuck"_, he thought to himself, _"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"_

He was now staring at Jake, trying to keep a masked expression. Jake didn't seem like he had enough guts to walk over there and casually introduce himself, but rather the type who'd walk over there, then melt to the floor. Eli's eyes did not move from Jake…as Jake himself didn't move a muscle. After a second or two, Jake finally sat down fully on the chair and took out his lunch, not looking back at Clare, who was still in her own little world.

He gave up on Clare eating and took out the apple from his brown bag. He couldn't stop looking at her even as he bit out of it. She lifted her head, as if copying him, and started to eat as well. He looked around the cafeteria for Adam, who was no where in site, not even at the three tenners table. When lunch was over and it was time for 5th hour, he walked past the office to his locker, doing a double take. He saw a what looked like Adam, at the main desk with his head down and his lunch bag untouched. He could tell by the purple shirt it was a sophomore.

He wasn't sure until he leaned in a little closer. Was he sleeping? It definitely looked like it.

The second bell was about to ring, he should be heading to his locker but instead he walked into the office. Sitting on a chair in front of the desk where Adam laid his head.

"Adam."

He didn't move.

"Adam, it's me. Eli."

Still, he kept his head down.

"Do you know what's going on with Clare? I've been trying to talk to her but-I…can't."

Adam started to move a little. The bell rang but neither one of them moved.

"It's like every time I get near her I-"

Adam lifted his head and looked right into his eyes. Eli stopped. Adam's eyes were bloodshot, tears crawling down his face, a look full of sorrow and utter sadness. He sniffled, as Eli looked at him with deep pity.

"You ok? What's wrong?"

Adam went to lay his head back down before Eli heard the clacking of heels behind him. He turned around. The guidance counselor was walking up. He quickly jumped out of her seat and backed away.

She sat down, touching Adam's hand gently. "You ok?"

Eli finally couldn't look at Adam's face anymore. _He_ would probably cry. He turned around and walked to his locker. He wondered what happened to Adam as he grabbed his book. Had someone found out? Crap…what if something happened to his brother? Or his mom or dad…or fuck, his _dog_?

Everything was so miserable around him. It was like being part of a soap opera. A very crappy one at that.

After his Algebra II class was over he peeked into the office again to see if he was there, but no. He had probably went home. God, he didn't want to be there anymore. He couldn't think of _what _he'd do if he saw someone he knew crying. He put his book back in his locker, grabbed his bag and walked to the entrance.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

He sat at a table alone at the Dot, listening to the chatter of college students from the near by university who have already been released. He sat there with his head in his palm with his eyes closed. Trying to process what the hell happened that day. Weird new kid who's apparently hot for Clare, Clare who's upset about _something_. He just had to know. What if her parents were divorcing? Her sister! She has a sister…what if something happened to her? Then Adam…he was _really _upset about something…for his sake he hoped it wasn't any more discrimination.

He had been in his own little world for fifteen minutes and he didn't even realize. When he came back to reality, the college students were still chatting. He stood up, breathing out and walking outside. The sky was completely gray, not like it was about to rain but about to snow. Harshly cold winds were out to. He looked back at the school. Any minute now a mob of high schoolers would be walking that way. He hated crowds. The shoving, the pushing the awkward tight closings between him and random people. He started to walk home until he heard the bell ring in the distance. For some reason he stopped and turned around. He sat on a bench near by and watched the crowd of kids walk in and out of the Dot.

Kids from his classes walked passed him as he kept his eye out for Adam or Clare. No dice. He did see Jake however, he towered over the crowd of sophomores as he hesitantly walked into the little shop. Was he shy or something? Was he…_afraid _of people? He seemed like the anti-social type from Eli's point of view. Ironically, _Eli _seemed like the anti-social type from the entire world's point of view. Then he saw Clare at a table outside the dot, stirring the whipped cream around in her frappuchino with her straw.

This was his chance he thought. To work things out and be perfect again. But as he went to stand up, Jake walked out with a coffee in his hand. He was about to start walking in the direction of Eli but he stopped and looked at Clare as he was about to pass her table. Eli watched, Clare didn't seem to notice her.

"Is this seat taken?"

Clare came out of her trance when she looked up to see the towering 10th grader among her.

"ah-No." she said not caring. She didn't feel like talking. She just wanted to drink her stupid frappe, go home, and listen to her parents fight. She took out the straw from her cup and slurped the whipped cream off the end of it before sticking it back in.

Jake handled his coffee carefully in his hand, trying to utter a single word out. Eli sat up in the bench a little, watching from behind Jake. Clare didn't seem to care what he had to say.

"What's your name?"

She continued to stir her straw around. "Clare."

"Oh. I'm Jake; Jake Toal."

"I know. Your in my English class." she responded not interested in having a conversation, let alone small talk.

"Oh…so your Clare Edwards?"

"Yup." she leaned in to take a sip.

Eli sighed in relief. His competition was _this guy_? He walked away, realizing he was overreacting and would figure out what he would say tomorrow.

"Well…someone's welcoming."

She sat up a little more in her chair.

"I'm sorry. I'm just, not in the mood for talking."

Jake raised an eyebrow, Clare sighed, putting her elbows on the table, "Or in the mood for going home."

"Family troubles?"

Clare snorted, "Like you would know? All I know is your name and I'm supposed to spill out my entire life to you?"

"All I'm saying is, my parents just got divorced…" he shrugged in his shoulders, shivering a little as the winds grew stronger. "And…my dad is pretty tough on me…whatever's going on, I think I can relate to. That's all."

Clare's eyes widened, surprised. "Oh…I'm-I'm sorry."

"It's cool. I don't mind it anymore."

She rubbed the back of her neck, "I guess, listening to my parents argue has become a regular thing in my schedule." she and Jake snickered.

"But, if they separated…god I don't know what I'd do."

"Well, when do they fight?"

"When do they _not _fight?" Clare leaned up a little more.

"No, I mean-what sets off the flare? What makes them fight?"

She wrapped her hands around her, hands touching the back of her neck as she knelt on the table. She had to think. What _was_ it that they always fought about?

"When they…disagree on something." Suddenly, she had it. "That's it! Every time my mom wants one thing, my dad wants the other so…if I could find one thing they both like, or want, maybe there won't be as much of chance of them divorcing!"

Jake smiled, sipping his coffee, "And how are you going to do that?"

Clare grabbed her bag and her frappuchino, "I don't know but I'll figure something out!" she excitedly walked off, headed to her neighborhood. "Thanks!"

Jake took another sip, watching her leave, smiling.

When Eli got home he was freezing all over even _with _his jacket. He shivered as he walked into his house, relieved when he felt the warmth of his house.

"Mom? Dad, you home?" He threw his bag on the floor walking into the living room. They were no where in site. He sighed walking back into the kitchen and getting a soda out from the fridge. Just as he slammed the fridge door shut he heard the front door open.

"Cece, Cece I know."

Eli walked over, he saw his dad with loads of bags in his hands and he attempted to hold his phone on his shoulder, _while _trying to shut the door.

"I know, but that's how its going to be now don't let it get to you."

What was he talking about he wondered.

"I'll see you when you get home from work alright?…ok, bye."

He sat at the couch with the loads of bags at both of his sides. Eli snuck over, peering over his dad's shoulder. They were leather black bags full of, what looked like photos. Maybe they were from work or something. But Eli wanted to see. He decided he'd go upstairs and see later but as he did the doorbell rang.

His dad stood up and walked over. It was one of his friends from work, he heard him say hello before he walked outside and closed the door behind him. Eli set his can down and walked over to the couch, rummaging through the photos. He saw pictures of Cece and her mother, Cece and his dad, multiple pictures with the whole family, happy, dancing, drinking.

"Grandma _did_ die…" he said to himself. Those were all taken at _her _home. That explained everything. Why his mom was so upset. He sighed sadly, he looked through the other photos he had in his hand. He saw a picture of…Cece in the hospital. With a baby wrapped in a blue blanket in her arms.

It was obviously him. He saw another picture that his grandpa must've taken, because in it, he saw his mother and father looking at him adoringly, and his grandma crying. Eli sighed again…his grandma was one of the first people he had met…come to think of it, he rummaged through the other pictures again. His mother and grandma were holding him in some of those pictures to.

It was most likely some old pictures his grandpa had sent down that his grandma had been keeping. He looked through some more, his mom with her hair all wrapped in plastic and tubes in her arms. Pictures of his father next to her…his eyes were closed in most of them.

Then he saw pictures of him, asleep wrapped in a blanket with a little beanie on. A newborn baby with a beanie…not something he'd seen very often.

"Thanks Jeff, Cece would love to here that."

He heard the lock click, Eli quickly stuffed the photos back into the bags before hurrying back to the stairwell. He watched as his father sat down, rubbing his head and looking through the same set of photos he did. Eli sighed one last time before walking upstairs.

xXx

Clare slowly walked into her house, unbelievably cold. The frozen frappe in her hand didn't make it any less numb. She sat it down before letting out a shiver. She saw her mom at the stove with a boiling pot of water.

She walked in.

"Hey mom."

"Hey honey." she said warmly.

Clare didn't expect that.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked taking off her jacket.

"Making hot chocolate its cold out, it said on the news we might get more snow. Want some?"

"Sure, thanks. With marshmallows?"

"I know how you like it by now." Her mom smiled.

Clare hadn't seen her mother this content in a while. She was afraid to ask about her father.

"How was your day?"

"Oh, it was good.", She followed her mother to the cabinet where she got out the cocoa mix, "And…was yours good?" she stuttered out. She watched her mom reach for the pack of marshmallows.

"Actually," Clare jumped on the inside, why did she ask? "Yes it was."

Clare was confused, but she was able to utter a pleased expression. "Oh, really?"

"Yes," she smiled, looking up for a second, then turning the stove off when she saw the water boiling, "Your father and I watched an old video he found in the garage last night."

Clare smiled, "Really? What?" she grew more and more excited as she grabbed two coffee cups from the cabinet.

"Well…when I was in high school, I took ballet."

"…Ballet?"

Then Clare remembered, her mother used to tell her stories all the time about how graceful she was at dancing, how she received the lead in _Swan Lake _in her senior year of high school.

"Yes, it was the _Swan Lake _video. It was how I met your father. He did the backstage lights and tech stuff."

That was something Clare didn't know. They met through, as strange as it sounded, _ballet_?

"So, both of you loved ballet?"

"Well, _I _did, your father was a backstage kind of person." she handed Clare her cup. "But, funny things happen on stage I guess." Clare looked at her reflection in the cup…a light bulb went off in her head.

"Yeah…" she smiled and took a sip.

She had the perfect plan.

**XFurubaX: Sorry for the short chapter everyone! I promise next time I'll make it longer =) XoXo ~ XFurubaX**


	3. Chapter 3

**XFurubaX: Here it is! Longer as promised! Thanks for getting me to 5 reviews ^_^!**

Everyone was wearing jackets at school the next day. The temperature had hit 43 degrees and everyone was preparing for more snow. Clare was bundled up in her denim jacket as she grabbed her binder from her locker. She hesitantly looked towards the English classroom, hoping she won't have yet another episode in front of the class.

"Hey."

Jake walked up next to her, she had to look _up_ at him. She greeted him with a gentle smile.

"Hey."

They both began to walk to Mrs. Dawes's room.

"So…uh-" he felt so awkward talking to a girl. Especially a girl he thought was so pretty. His height above her didn't help him either, "Did things go ok with your family last night?"

Clare gasped in delight when he mentioned it, making him jump back a little, "Yes! I have the perfect plan to keep them together!" They walked towards there desks.

"What is it?"

Clare looked up at the board. There warm up was pretty long that day. "I'll tell you later."

The bell rang right as Eli walked in. He saw Clare opening her binder, not hiding from the class today. He sat behind Jake although he couldn't see. He looked at the desk next to Clare's, Adam wasn't there.

"_God I hope he's ok…"_

He opened up his binder and began the essay. He looked at Clare at every few seconds, as did she. About 5 more minutes into the class Clare finally sat up, looking at Eli's desk…with great sadness. He sat up himself, staring at her. She looked at him, he knew that look in her eyes, she was absolutely going to burst into tears.

"Clare,"

She breathed in softly, as if about to say something. Jake turned and looked at them not saying a word. Instead, she breathed out, letting her sob go. She faced forward, going back to her essay.

Jake leaned in a little, "You ok?"

Clare looked at her paper, "Yeah…I'm just…a little tender in this class I guess."

What the hell did that mean? Eli was finally scared. Did he hurt her? God, now he was afraid she never wanted to speak to him again. When class was over he followed her to her locker.

"Clare!"

She just kept walking ahead. He was able to catch up to her at her locker.

"Clare," Finally, he could settle this out. "I'm sorry for what happened at Vegas Night,", she reached for her math book at the top of her locker, "What I did to Fitz was wrong and I know that, I just didn't want to lose you."

She sighed, before looking at her day calendar in her locker. She took her little red dry erase marker and marked off Monday and Tuesday and stopped on that day, Wednesday. It had a circle around it. She lowered her hand, looking at it. Eli had no idea why it was circled then he read the little message in the box, "_2 Month Anniversary!"_

She had been keeping track?…So she still cares about him!…Wait, he didn't even know…

She sighed again, sadly.

"Clare,"

She marked it off and put it back in her pencil case.

"Happy freaking anniversary." she said before slamming her locker shut and he watched her walk off.

He then sat in his History class confused as hell. Was Clare mad about the 'anniversary'? _She _didn't even say it to him, unless if that _Happy Freaking Anniversary _counts. Was he supposed to get her something? He didn't know how anniversaries worked. His parents usually forget every year, then a week or to later, remember and go out to a movie or something. Too late for that.

He was happy that he finally said something, maybe now he could settle things out at lunch right?

Wrong.

He was sitting alone at his usual table again, watching Clare talk to Alli way over on the other side of the cafeteria. He _desperately _wanted to know what they were talking about. He was sure it was their usual girl stuff but he wanted to know if she had acknowledged his apology, let alone _listened_.

"So therefore, I have the perfect plan that will make them basically throw themselves into each others arms again!" she waited to give a dramatic pause, Alli raised her fork with salad on it, "I'm taking ballet!"

Alli froze, her mouth open with the fork right in front of it, staring at, a frighteningly happy Clare.

"Okay," she set her fork down, "Ballet, is _incredibly _hard,"

"I know bu-"

"NO! _UNBELIEVABLY _HARD! Your mom said she took lessons since she was 3! That's why she got the lead role!"

"I took lessons when I was 6!…for about two weeks then I stopped because I hated my teacher. What's wrong with starting again at 15?"

"Well, its hard to make a living out of it when you start late."

Clare laughed, "Alli! I don't want this as a career. Just to help my parents remember what made them fall in love."

Alli then turned to her in realization. "Oh…"

Clare pursed her lips, nodding.

"Well, there's this ballet studio right here in Toronto called _The Star Kirov_. They put on _awesome_ shows." she commented with a smirk.

"Do you think it's too late to audition?"

"Nope, in fact they should be holding auditions for their winter production this week!"

Clare smiled brightly, "This is perfect! And, I still have those techniques up my sleeve…Will you come with me after school today?"

Alli squinted, "I don't think I-"

"_Please_ Alli! ", she grabbed her arm, "It'll be our little adventure!"

Alli thought about it for a quick second, "What will your mom say?"

Clare eyed the ceiling with thought, she hadn't even thought of anything to tell her mother. "I'll tell her I have an emergency meeting with the math club today after school!"

"And what about _my _parents? Clare remember? I have them to."

"Just, say that you had science Olympics practice!"

Alli looked at her with an unconvinced look.

"C'mon! It'll work!"

Alli thought about it, before smiling. "Alright, I could use a little fun."

Clare giggled before thinking of her plan.

Her, in a ballet show.

She was unaware that Alli, although supportive, was highly doubtful that it would work.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Eli skipped his last class again. He didn't plan it, but by the end of the day that day he just didn't want to be around, only one way to put it, _people_. He was laying on the bench outside the Dot again listening to music, freezing cold. He made a smart move of forgetting his jacket that morning as he had to rush out again. He began to think about his car, it wouldn't start for the past few days. It was an old, and he knew _old _car, so of course he figured it would break easily. He remembered picking it out with his dad his 16th birthday. Neither him nor his dad didn't really give a damn about what it looked like, as long as it had a motor, and a radio.

Why he picked out the hearse he had no idea, and every time someone would ask he's simply say it was appealing to him. No one would have any idea how a hearse could appeal someone but they didn't seem to pay notice after a while. He had made it through 4 songs and the bell still hadn't rung. He was thinking of walking home but then his parents would wonder how he got home so early.

He turned over to his side on the bench, letting his arm dangle off a little. It was _not _comfortable. He watched the cars pass by, some of the drivers giving him odd looks. He didn't give a shit of course. He was used to people giving him those looks. Having been branded a 'freak' for most of his life. Finally, he accepted it. He was 'different' only by his own choice. He took freak as a compliment. He was happy being different from an entire set of students that matched.

The Degrassi bell rang in the far distance. He sat up pulling the head phones out of his ears. He watched an array of students crowd outside the entrance. He decided to go home, he didn't want to make himself look even worse to Clare.

Clare and Alli stood anxiously in the long line inside the halls of _Star Kirov_. Clare felt nervous yet excited at the same time. She stood in line, stretching like all the others. Lucky for her, they all looked about her age. But like Alli had said, they had been doing this for years. Clare was surprised she actually remembered how to do her stretches, thank god for those two weeks.

"Oh hey, you might want to put this on really quick!" Alli reached into her bag, white leggings, pink ballet shoes in a plastic bag and an array of undershirts and a leotard. "I had this from last year before I quit my classes."

"What's all this?" she took them from her.

"See what they're wearing?"

Clare turned around, they were all decked up in ballet gear, Clare was in her school uniform.

"I thought they provided them."

"Nope!" Alli pushed her to a door nearby, "I'll hold your spot now hurry and change!"

Clare held them close to her chest as she rushed to the changing room, "Oh and by the way! The wooden blocks are to hold your toes together!"

Clare stopped, skidding across the floor a little, she looked back, with terror in her eyes, "_Wooden_…_Blocks_?"

"Welcome to ballet oh! And they're…", she fake winced, "Excruciatingly painful."

Clare painfully smiled before she opened the door.

Eli slammed the back door shut behind him, happy to get out of the cold. He could hear the TV on in the living room. He set his bag on the floor, "Dad? You there?"

There wasn't an answer. But as he walked by the stair case, he could hear his parents having a fight upstairs. They hardly ever fought, so Eli was never used to hearing his parents yell, let alone even raise there voice an octave. He could hear his dad's voice among the yelling…then he could hear his dad's voice coming from the living room. Eli was confused until he looked. He saw his mom on the TV, unbelievably young and the camera moving around. He figured out it was a home video, and walked over to the couch, leaning over the head rest to watch.

In the video, the camera switched its angle from Cece to his dad, "Ok, now this is to my dad, my son Eli he is now 6, and I'm going to show you how smart he is."

"_Oh god…" _

The camera 'walked' out of the kitchen into the living room. Then it kneeled down to the floor. Then he saw himself at 6, hopelessly adorable, playing with his cars, and _not wearing black_. Eli had forgotten what he looked like without black.

"Hey, Eli."

He looked up at his dad rather than the camera, "We're going to show grandpa how smart you are, alright?"

"Mhm!"

"Who was the first man on the moon?"

"The man on the moon was…um…"

Eli smirked, laughing on the inside. He remembered his dad filming him all night that night.

"Neal…"

"Armstrong!" he heard his dad whisper from behind the camera

"What?"

"Armstrong!"

"Neal Armstrong!"

"Alright!"

Eli couldn't help it anymore, he laughed a little watching the video go on, forgetting about his parents upstairs. But what was the point of this? Then in the video he heard a door open and laughter from his mother. The angle switched from Eli to the kitchen.

"Hi mom!" Cece walked up to hug his grandmother who had just showed up at the door.

"Aren't I such a nice surprise?"

He then heard laughter in the video, he saw his parents hugging, his grandma getting kissed by his dad on the cheek…him hugging his grandmother. He looked away, now saddened, remembering what was going on.

"Alright Cece, I'm sorry."

He could hear his mother crying upstairs and his father trying to comfort her.

"I'm upset to…"

He slowly walked upstairs, somewhat hesitant to walk any farther. But he did. He stood out in the hallway, his parents were both sitting on the bed. His mother completely in tears in his dad's arms. He backed up against the wall, peering through the door. He could see his father…his eyes reddening.

"I'm just so…" he wiped them quickly as possible, "Fucking, upset!"

Eli was shocked, he had never and he meant _never _heard his parents curse. He remembered listening in when he was 7 about how his father wanted no cursing around him as a child so there wouldn't be any trouble in elementary school. Apparently they had gotten used to the rule and he never even heard a "crap" out of them even in high school.

Eli didn't want to upset his parents any more with how emotional they were at the moment. He looked down, turning and walking into his room. He locked his door, sliding down against it. Why wasn't _he _crying? He loved his grandmother to. He practically raised him during elementary school and his first half of middle school. He felt like he should force himself to…he tried to force tears out but they wouldn't come. But he did have that weird knot in his stomach again…and it was unbelievably tight.

xXx

The 16 year old ballerina danced remarkably to _Amazing Grace_ as she practically flew around the room. Clare watched in both awe, and fright. How was she supposed to do that? She was dressed properly sitting on the floor with the others, as Alli stood by the door, giving Clare a thumbs up every now and then. The show would be _The Nutcracker_. Clare was a little more comfortable, a ballet she knew almost every musical piece to. She hoped she'd get at least a background dancer…or a rat…or a techie.

She squeezed her foot for the 50th time, the wooden blocks were tight and uncomfortable. At least she knew she'd be on her toes. When the ballet teacher said on your toes, she meant _on your toes_. The ballet teacher seemed serious about what she was doing, but she seemed nice enough. Finally the song was over.

"Thank you, Angelina."

She smiled, walking to the pile of dancers and leaving, taking her things with her.

"Next we have, Clare Edwards?"

Clare's stomach flipped when she heard that. She slowly stood up, eying Alli as she gave her a smile of confidence. Clare pursed her lips before walking up. Unaware that Alli got a frightened look as she turned away.

Her adrenaline grew in her hands as she stood in front of the instructor. Mrs. Alvaraz, as that's what they called her, walked around her observing her up and down. Clare wasn't sure what to do so she stared at her reflection in the mirror, all the other girls were casually watching her, whispering to each other and on them they had curious expressions. Clare felt more nervous by the second. She inhaled through her nose, letting it go after 4 seconds. She _had _to be calm. It was for her family.

Mrs. Alvaraz was in front of her again. Clare kept her expression blank. The teacher backed away. "Remember students," she exclaimed in a powerful voice, "Ballet, is simple, graceful dances to simple, beautiful peaces. In order to perform correctly, you must be passionate," she began to walk toward the piano, "dedicated," Alli bit her lip out of nervousment for Clare, "and…calm." she stopped at the piano, smiling at Clare as she said the last word.

"_Calm…ok, calm…"_

"Marche de Salon! This is a piece from _Sleeping Beauty_."

Clare nodded, gulping one last time, surprised she didn't _choke _on it.

The pianist began to play the song. It was slow and steady, peaceful and sweet. Alli leaned back on the wall, relieved it was an easy song.

Clare breathed in, before stepping forward, then with the other foot twisting it in such a way to at least make it _seem _like she knew what she was doing. She looked at the teacher in the mirror, she seemed like she was impressed so far…something else, something else. She stepped to the side, lifting herself on her toes before continuing her little walk with her twisting ankles.

She closed her eyes, the peace started to grow more powerful. She stretched one of her legs out completely, lifting herself and twirling, bending the other leg so it wasn't on the floor.

_Don't fall….don't fall!_

She then landed back on her feet walking about again. She sighed in relief in her head. She then remembered something from when she was 6 "have an outward rotation of the thighs from the hip" What did that mean again? She suddenly had another memory, "bend knees until just below the hips while maintaining turn-out at the joints therefore the thighs and knees are just above the toe line"

_One more twirl…_

She did it, only this time, she raised her arms doing it faster and oh so gracefully, unbeknownst to her, it fit perfectly with the piece of the song. Alli widened her eyes, amazed. The other girls started whispering again.

Clare was surprised herself, she was just _winging _it.

_You got this, you got this_

"_Keep your back straight!"_

She straightened herself up, twirling to her side toes by toes, before doing her little walk around the room.

_I swear if I'm just fooling myself up here…_

Mrs. Alvaraz was impressed, she twirled her hand at the pianist as he nodded. Suddenly the song became faster, as Clare continued her dance faster, becoming nervous again. She twirled, walked on her toes, lifted her arms in such a way, trying to use the techniques that had come back to her.

Finally she heard the tag of the song and as it ended, she didn't mean to but she ended up skidding to the floor mid way on her toes but saved herself just in time for one last twirl.

It was the hardest thing she had ever done, and the most painful. She breathed rapidly and softly looking at everyone's expressions in the mirror. She couldn't tell if they were amazed, or secretly thinking how horrible she was, same with Alli's.

She saw Mrs. Alvaraz walking up behind her. She gently touched her shoulder.

"Thank you, Clare."

It was now 6:30 and they walked outside of the studio. Care rushed to the nearest bench she saw, practically flinging her leg up and untying her shoe, Alli sat next to her, smiling joyously, "That…was…awesome."

Clare smiled a little before she was able to get the shoe off. She had never felt such relief in her life. She squeezed the edge of her foot, trying to crack her toes. Alli looked, there was a small blister on her middle toe.

"You can also tape them together if you hate the wooden block."

Clare lifted up her other leg, untying that one, "No its fine…I'll get used to it." she was still breathing heavily. Alli got nervous, wrapping an arm around her, "You ok? Your in _that_ much pain?"

She massaged that foot, "No! I've, I've just never done something like this before!" she said with a small smirk.

Alli smiled, "Well, your gonna have to wait."

"I know, she said that the cast list will be up on their website on Saturday…"

"Maybe then would be a good time to tell your parents."

"Well," she exhaled one last time, putting her foot back on the floor, "If I get in. If not, I'll save up for some tickets…"

"Until then…lets find a less tight pair of ballet shoes."

The two giggled.


	4. Chapter 4

Eli sat against his door listening to his parents make multiple phone calls. He could hear them getting more upset with each and every one. He wasn't sure if they were for work or talking to his aunts and uncles about his grandmother. God how he didn't want to go to a funeral. The only thing he could possibly hate more than the uniform policy was a funeral. Everyone crying, miserable, in little corners talking about the person who died. It only made him more upset to hear _stories _about the person that died, as if they're still alive.

The one thing he didn't have to worry about was being dressed properly.

Out of nowhere, the chatter from downstairs seized. He heard telephones hit the receivers and his parents (or at least one of them) plopping down on the couch. Then he heard mumbling.

He hated the sound of mumbling, it made him so irritated, they can't talk in a normal tone?

He scooted a little more toward the wall, opening the door. He then scooted closer to lean his head out to listen what was going on downstairs.

"So, no funeral?" He heard his father say in a distraught voice.

"No…too soon."

He heard his father sigh, "It'll always be too soon."

"_Great…"_

He scooted out more, looking through the rails of the stairway down into the living room to see his mother walking over to sit down next to his father. The only things he saw next were his mother wrapping her arms around his father and lay her head on his shoulder. There was nothing else going on, the TV was off, the light on the chandelier was dimmed.

They were really taking this hard he thought to himself. Yet he _still _wasn't crying. He kept saying to himself that reality just hadn't hit him yet and when the time comes that he has to face it, it will. He was still looking at his parents, he looked through the bars of the rails waiting for them to do something, at least _saying _something would make him feel a little better. After fifteen minutes of staring and sighing, he gave up and scooted farther into his room. Locking his door.

Clare was sipping some more of her hot chocolate, it was nearly 30 degrees and she was ready for snow. She sat in the living room reading a book on classical ballet (which she had borrowed from Alli on the way home) while her parents worked in the office. She heard them bicker every once in a while but as long as they weren't _screaming _at each other…

She heard someone start to walk out, she took a pillow hiding the book, the leaning against the pillow and grabbing from the counter _Night _and flipping it to a random page. It was her mom, grabbing some files she left on the counter. Before leaving she looked at Clare,

"Night? By Elie Wiesel?"

Clare sipped her cocoa nonchalantly, "Classic. I have to read it for a school report." she lied, not knowing what the story was about at all.

"Alright." She was about to walk off when she noticed the book under the pillow. "What's that?" she pointed.

Clare grew nervous as she threw in a "confused" laugh, "What are you talking about."

Her mother reached up under the pillow that was propped by Clare's hip and looked at the cover.

"The Art of Fine Ballet?"

Clare tried to giggle, as if she had no idea how the book was there. Her mother flipped through it,

"Is this one of mine?"

Clare leaned up taking it from her, "No…" she no longer had a choice, "It's mine…well actually it's my friend Alli's but, I borrowed it from her…", she set down her cup, "I'm taking ballet."

Her mother stared at her, in either shock or delight.

"Your what?"

Clare did not like repeating herself, "I'm…" she felt herself shaking a little, "I auditioned at _The Star Kirov_ and…I'm waiting to see if I got a part-"

"Randall!" her mother screamed walking into the office. Clare finally jumped up running after her, what had she done?

"Mom! It's not his fault I did it without your permission, I wanted it to be a surprise-" they were in the office and he mom shouted in…_delight_,

"Clare is taking ballet!"

Her father was immediately lost, he stood up from his computer, "What?"

"She auditioned at the studio for…" she turned to Clare, she then realized what she was supposed to say,

"The Nutcracker-"

"The Nutcracker! Oh, that's one of my favorites!"

Her mother was unbelievably happy and her father was confused, "When did she restart ballet? I thought she hated it."

Clare couldn't reveal her plan, if she did it would ruin everything.

"I did, but…" Think of something Edwards! "I thought I should give it another chance and I'm waiting to see if I got a part-" once again she was interrupted by her mother who ran up to her hugging her,

"I'm so happy for you!"

She hugged her mother, somewhat frightened, she liked ballet _that_ much? Then she looked at her dad, who smiled at her.

_This is working!_

She got a triumphant feeling as she gleefully embraced her mother.

xXx

Eli skipped all of his classes the next day. But instead of sitting outside the Dot, he sat in the park, laying on a picnic table as no one was bound to show up. He stared at the gray sky thinking any minute that snowflakes were going to start falling. Lucky for him he wore his jacket that day, yet he was still cold. He had listened to over 14 songs out of the 500 that were on his music player, he pulled the ear phones out and sat up, propping his feet on one of the table benches.

He kept thinking of his family, or what was his family. No one could talk to each other, and now when they did, it was arguing and bitter anger. He was starting to get used to his parents snapping at each other, which disgusted him. He was sure it would end soon though, he remembered his parents almost divorced once or twice in his life time but somehow, something kept them together.

Then he remembered, it was _him_.

He somehow always reminded them that he still _needed_ them, especially since he was younger at the time. He also thought how different life would be if they _had _divorced. He bet his life would've been even _more_ erratic and dysfunctional. Moving back and forth between houses, an unplanned schedule, which bus to take 'home' from school. Even right now he didn't feel like being home.

He was somehow lucky enough to keep his parents _and _have a happy family. But lately he kept asking himself _Am _I happy? He felt like he was a disappointment at times, like he was the pessimist of the family; and whenever he tried to talk about it with his father, all he'd do it joke and remind him his uncles the only pessimist.

Serious dad or jokester dad, he was a great dad.

He smiled to himself. Staring at the sky again.

Clare was finishing up her essay as Jake nervously walked up behind her. He took his seat next to her, he gently poked her arm,

"Hey."

Clare stopped, taking a second then remembering who he was, "Oh hey." she said with a casual smile.

"So…you never told me by the way," he opened up his folder grabbing some paper, "What's your plan to keep your parents together?"

Clare leaned in to whisper, "I'm taking ballet." Jake stared at her a blank stare as she backed up to her seat, smiling.

He nodded, impressed by her efforts, "Cool." he then began on his essay.

As the bell rang the two walked to Clare's locker, "So what show did you audition for?"

"The Nutcracker. I see if I got a part this weekend."

Jake felt awkward looking down at her, "Really? That's actually pretty sweet." that comment made him feel more awkward. She didn't seem to mind as she turned the dial,

"That's just the beginning," she opened it up, "Last night when I told my parents, they flipped out."

Jake raised an eyebrow.

She giggled, "In a good way." she grabbed her binder and closed the door.

Jake smiled, "Well, if _that _made them happy, then trust me, getting a _snowflake _will make them proud."

Clare smiled, looking back up at him, "Well, I'm not going to get the lead that's for sure, but I think maybe a rat…or…a background dancer I don't know, something that, does something-"

"Hey," he leaned down a little, "No matter what you get, you'll be awesome." he remarked, gently punching her shoulder. She smiled a little as he walked away to his locker all the way on the other side of the hall. As Clare watched she was a bit humbled, and confused.

~X~

"So where the hell were you yesterday?" Dave struggled to open his juice. Adam who was sitting across from him raised his head up, he had completely zoned out and didn't even hear him.

"What?"

"You bailed on us yesterday."

Connor and Wesley were still helping out in Ms. Oh's class, they claimed it was for 'extra credit'. Dave would love to know what _kind _of 'extra credit'.

"Sorry," He looked at Dave, who was squeezing the cap on his juice bottle, it wouldn't budge, "I was having… a bad day and I left."

He looked at the cap with intensity, "Damn, you have a bad day and _you _get to flake? I wish I had that kinda' opportunity." He twisted and turned his wrist but it wasn't moving.

Adam took the bottle from him, tightly grabbing the cap then not even struggling, opened it with ease. Dave stared in amazement as he handed it back to him.

"Damn! Super human strength!" he sipped it, Adam smirked, "My brother's made me open many sodas and water bottles for him, I think I know the art of it now."

Dave gestured his bottle, wanting to say something, "I know the feeling. I have a little sister, Tasha. Sweet thing, but she's beaten me, my dad, _and _my uncle at arm wrestling. And my uncle's a pro wrestler!"

Adam laughed, he had heard of Tasha, he'd seen her a few times when he went to Science Olympics. At first he thought there was no way a girl as sweet and quiet as her, could be related to _Dave_. Dave let in that she had a little crush on him, which made sense why she begged Adam for a hug when the Olympics were over.

"I remember her. And she's…what seven?"

"_Six_!"

Poor Dave he thought, his father's strength must've skipped a generation and went to Tasha.

Wesley and Connor showed up, setting their belongings down and sitting in their usual order.

"And where the hell were you two?"

Wesley took off his glasses, wiping them on his shirt, "Helping grading papers."

Adam chimed in, "Did you get mine?" he joked.

"Actually yeah," he put them back on, pushing them in place, "A+."

Adam smiled, Dave turned to him, "That means you got me, what did I get?"

Wesley snickered, he turned to Connor, who was trying not to laugh, "C-."

Adam couldn't help but smirk, Dave nodded, he figured. He studied for merely five minutes. Adam leaned over the table, "And what was this, _artificial intelligence_ you were bragging about the other day?"

Dave turned to him, pointing a finger at him, "Hey, don't get smart on me smart one. I had things going on."

Adam chuckled as they started to laugh and joke around.

Clare sat at her usual table with Alli they were mainly discussing girl things but then her parents were somehow brought up.

"Oh! Alli, I wanted to tell you that, my parents found out about the ballet…"

Alli made an intense face, "Oh dear."

"No, they were happy about it!"

Alli raised an eyebrow, both happy and confused. Then out of nowhere Jake showed up, he was about to walk past the table until he noticed Clare,

"Oh, hey Clare,"

She smiled as she looked up at him, "Hey Jake." Alli turned around, not seeing anything but a torso, then looking up to see his face, "Hi."

"Is, is-I-"

"_Crap, the stuttering? The STUTTERING had to come back?"_

"Is it, all right if I sit here?"

Clare and Alli looked at each other, thinking about it, giving each other side nods then looking back up at him, "Sure."

He then got a small boost of confidence. "Thanks." He grabbed a chair from an empty table then pulled it in between him and Alli.

"Alli, this is my new classmate, Jake. He's actually the one who told me, I should try to figure out what my parents both love."

Alli pursed her lips, nodding, holding out her hand, "Alli Bhandari, Clare's _best _friend since 7th grade."

Jake smirked, shaking her hand, "Nice to meet you Clare's _best _friend."

He took out a water bottle, Clare sat up and looked at him,

"We were just talking about how, my parents loved the ballet idea." she sighed, "In two days, I'll find out if this plan works or not."

Alli smiled, "Don't worry, they say people pay more attention to the background dancers than the lead roles anyway."

Jake pointed his finger, swallowing his water, "That's true, while the leads are standing their looking attractive, and what not, the background dancers are literally, doing all the dancing."

Clare laughed, "Well, like I said, as long as I get to at least stand on my toes on stage, even for two seconds, I'll be happy."

Jake smirked, Clare stopped…the way he smirked…it made her think about…Alli tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey, were there any cute guys at the audition line? I can't remember."

Eli was walking home, it was finally too cold for even _him _to bear. Morty was parked outside. He hadn't used him in a while, nor had he bothered to look at the engine. Strangely, Eli just gave him an eyeshot and continued to walk to the front door. His father's car wasn't there, and his mother always took the morning bus to work so therefore he could get away with skipping for that day.

He walked inside, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the coffee table, he slumped down on the couch noticing something was underneath his jacket, he picked it up to see piles and piles of photos.

He picked a few up, he saw photos of him when he was about…god, maybe three of four at their beach house in Long Island. They went there every summer for two weeks and met up with almost all of his family. His aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles, his grandparents of course, and his cousins. He was the youngest of his cousins, even now they still call him their 'baby cousin'.

In these pictures he was mostly outside, making sand castles or in the ocean, then there were pictures of him and his cousins all scattered out on the beach, then a picture of when he and his cousin Daniel or as Eli had gotten used to calling him Danny, who was six at the time, buried Daniel's older brother Joshua, who was about twelve at the time, in the sand.

"_Damn…" _he thought, _"How the fuck old are they now?"_ As the math would show if he was four in that picture, and he was sixteen (going on seventeen) now, Danny would be eighteen, then Josh would be twenty four.

He knew he'd be the last to graduate, but unfortunately for his cousins, their lives went array the moment they did. Josh wasn't exactly a good kid. Although a nice play mate for Eli when he was younger, he was a liar.

He lied, just for the sake of lying. He somehow ended up in an apartment, merely twenty years old, with an eighteen year old girl (who eventually got pregnant) with no job, no mortgage paid, and hardly enough money to keep food in the house. He never did get to meet his new little cousin…however his father insisted that he pretend there is _no _little cousin, hopelessly disappointed in his oldest nephew.

Then Danny, it was more tragic for him.

Eli remembered trembling through this story, and it was only a year ago.

Danny was a good kid. He was in gifted classes, A and B student, played sports and was an honest to goodness nice guy. Even Eli's parents cried of joy when he graduated, thinking that he _would _do something with his life.

He got somewhere alright, somewhere awful.

Eli remembered listening to the phone call that his dad got from his uncle that Danny had been selling drugs. He was arrested for a tender 3 months until he was let out for 'good behavior'.

Then something worse happened. Danny was out with a few of his friends, one of them, Eli couldn't remember the name, was angry at this kid for ruining a football game for him that truly wasn't his fault and wanted the ultimate revenge. He had a gun.

Then Danny told the story to Eli himself, Danny was the one to pick the lock of the kids apartment, then his friend handed him a led pipe. They busted in, the kid was asleep. Danny struck the kid right on shot in the head. Danny then claimed that his 'friend' just watched as if he wanted him to do more. He beat him, and beat him up to the point where he insisted he saw blood oozing out.

That's when the other kid shot him.

Eli put the pictures down, he took a few more pictures and set them on top of those. He'd never be like them. His parents raised him better than their's did anyway. Out of all the things Eli's father taught him to avoid, the one he told him to pay attention most to, is stupid choices.

Of course Eli wouldn't sell drugs!

Of course Eli wouldn't bash someone's head in with a pipe!

The sheer thought of wanted to do something like that disgusted him.

That's when he started to wonder why his grandpa would send him those photos. Then he remembered, grandma spend the entire day out on the beach with them that day…taking pictures.

He laid down on the couch, facing the ceiling. He knew the first few weeks were the hardest. The first _year_ was the hardest. Yet even after reliving those horrid memories just now, he just wasn't crying.

He felt more guilty than ever, and he had a horrible knot in his stomach, that was pulling and pulling by the second.

xXx

Clare was sitting at her desk finishing her English assignment. An expository essay on: What's the strangest thing that's happened to you?

Clare had to give time to think about it, lucky for her she started her homework early that day. The strangest thing that ever happened to her…she had many strange things that happened to her…it took her a good five minutes to truly put some thought in this. Finally the last thing that came into her head, she just started writing and writing.

She then heard a loud whirring sound. She then saw her phone vibrating next to her, the caller ID said Alli.

"Hello?"

"_Clare! The roles are up!"_

She set her pencil down, "What?"

"_They said auditions ended early because no more people had come in in over two days!__"_

She stood up, almost knocking her chair over, "Your kidding!"

"_No! Check right now! RIGHT NOW!"_

Clare rushed out of her room and into the upstairs office. She jumped onto the rotating chair and typed in the _Star Kirov _website.

"Did you check yet?"

"_No! I wanted you to see first!"_

Clare anxiously scrolled her mouse around on the screen trying to find the right one, then on the list on the left side she saw "The Nutcracker/Cast List"

Her heart raced a little, as she scanned the list for her name.

"_What does it say?"_

Clare smiled…she was speechless.

"_Clare?"_

It said: _Clare Edwards - Sugar Plum Fairy/Danish Marzipan Shepherdess _


	5. Chapter 5

**XFurubaX: Hey people! Glad you are liking the story! A little warning/tip: I highly suggest you listen to Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy/ Dance of the Reeds from "The Nutcracker" in case you don't understand some of the choreography. Personally, I think once you memorize the beat of the song, you'll (hopefully) be able to figure out what I want Clare to do. I hope you like this chapter! It was by far, the most fun to write! ~ XoXo XFurubaX**

The first rehearsal was held that Sunday. _The Nutcracker March _was being played on the piano. Mrs. Alvaraz was choreographing the two leads and the back up dancers. Clare stood in a small crowd of other cast members. She was the lead Sugar Plum Fairy, then she was with a male partner for "_Dance of the Reeds_". She smiled upon remembering her parent's faces when they saw her name in the list. For the past few days her parents haven't fought. She felt like she had Jake to thank, she hated to admit it but he was the one who told her to find out what they had in common.

"Edwards!"

Now it was her time.

She taped her toes that day. Less pain, but more difficult to stay on her toes. But right now, she had to focus.

_Focus Edwards Focus!_

She had been given basic instructions ahead of rehearsal though, to show her what she can do before final choreographing. She had bought the entire _Nutcracker _soundtrack and listened to her main songs way too many times. She had watched you tube videos praying to god she would be able to keep her composure as well as _those _ballerinas.

She saw Mrs. Alvarez look at the pianist. He began with the first few beats of the song. She leisurely stepped in, one toe step after the other, lifting her arm, showing that she knew it was all about her at the moment.

He began the first verse of the song.

She somewhat skipped in, toe by toe, then slightly twirling. She then, balanced herself on her right toes, kicking inwards 3 times with her left. Then she hopped onto her left toes, kicking inward 3 times with her right. Three more inward kicks with her right then she twirled around, having fun with it, enjoying the feeling of being on her toes now. She slowed down a little on the twirl before repeating her kicks on the second verse.

"Smile Edwards! Smile!"

Smile?

She smiled, naturally at least she tried. She toe-skipped to her left, twirling, then the last of her kicks before the first interlude. The more she concentrated on smiling, the harder it was for her to keep on her toes.

How the hell do these people smile while doing this? Focus! She thought, interlude!

She stood on her toes, crossing her ankles. She rapidly stepped to her left, did a gentle side lift with her right leg, vice versa, then twirled, fully on her right toes, lifting her other leg completely and stretching it out backward, lifting her arm, just to add some effect. Surely that would impress her teacher.

Crap! Smile!

She then realized it was the second part of the interlude. She switched legs, now on her left toes with her right leg lifted and stretched, switching arms as well. To match the beat, she bounced a few times on her toes, trying not to _break _them.

She suddenly remembered, her pose…it was an arabesque.

She went back into a standing position. Did a typical ballet hop here and there, repeated her little leg stretch routine along with the bouncing, one more typical ballet hop, then instead of repeating, she began to 'walk' around the studio on her toes, stopping, doing a little bow to her left. 'Ballet walk' little bow to her right.

And That was only the first verse, only…two more.

_Fuck! Ok, you did it once, you can do it again!_

During the mini transition into the second verse, she trolled around the room merrily and gracefully, acting as if she were in fact, a care-free sugar plum fairy. She didn't realize it, but she was repeating exactly what she did before. It suddenly became natural as it became easier to smile. She felt like she was waltzing rather than dancing ballet. Graceful, slowly, calmly.

She did her leg stretches, bounces, twirls exactly as she did before.

_Is this good?_

She knew she couldn't look at Mrs. Alvaraz, she knew she'd be concentrating more on what she thought than 'feeling the part.'

But for a second, Clare realized she was feeling the part. She found herself smiling as the moves naturally came to her head when she recognized the notes. She even began to dance more comfortably, knowing what she was doing.

She was on the second interlude.

She crossed her ankles, high on her toes, she gently did her side lifts, becoming quite confident.

_Yes! You go Edwards! _she loved her rare feelings of cockiness.

She began to do her bounces with her arabesque as it was the final half of the second interlude. She didn't even realize it herself, but she was smiling and didn't even realize it. Of course "Clare" wasn't there at the moment. It was a Sugar Plum Fairy, dancing merrily, enjoying the wonderful spirit of Christmas, beautiful snow flakes, bright colorful lights and the smell of peppermints. She had no idea why she was thinking all this as she danced but she liked it.

She felt…unbelievably happy.

It was the last verse. She continued her inward kicks and transitioning legs, inward kicks, then she realized this was the tag. As much as she wanted this dance to last forever, it had an end. Instead for the first (and last) half of the interlude, she twirled around the studio, slowly, in her little waltz, then finally after a pause as it did in the song, she straightened herself up, holding herself on up on her toes in a _mini _arabesque.

She had a smile on her face.

In her head however, _"Thank god. Thank god its over!"_ she felt a few beads of swear in her hair but ignored them. She thought it was nearly impossible to sweat in nearly 30 degree weather.

Mrs. Alvaraz walked up to her, Clare couldn't make out her expression but she leaned in, in a soft voice, "See me after class." Clare's stomach flipped a bit. What did she do wrong? Fuck!

"Alright, next cast, _Chinese Dance!_"

Clare went and sat with the rest of the cast who wouldn't be in this scene, nervously looking at her teacher, god forbidding saying what she thought she was going to say.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

Eli was walking to the Dot. He originally intended to walk around his neighborhood to get out of the miserable atmosphere that was his home, but walked just 3 miles longer. When he walked inside the first person he saw was…Jake. He stood at the door. He was sitting at a table with Alli, both with coffee's in their hands.

"You know I don't know why we need final exams every semester to see what we learned I mean, isn't that what _end of the year _finals are for?"

Alli was talking about school as usual. Eli didn't pay any mind and got in line.

"Hey, when does Clare's ballet class end?"

_Ballet?_

He turned his head, suspicious as to how the hell he knew Clare took ballet? And when the hell did Clare start ballet? He leisurely scooted out of line and sat down at a table right next to theirs.

"Why do you always talk about Clare?"

"_Fuck! Are you kidding me?"_ Eli scooted his chair a little closer.

Jake scratched the back of his head, "Well…I guess,"

"_I guess you should haul your ass away from my girlfriend…"_

"I guess I know how divorce feels and…I want to be there for her." he sipped his cup so he wouldn't have to say anything anymore. Alli raised an eyebrow.

"_Divorce?" _Everything made sense now, the ignoring, the crying, making a big deal over missing a two _month _anniversary. God, why didn't he figure it out?

"Well…" Alli took a sip, "I guess it's good that she had one friend who can relate to her in a way."

Jake was about to say something, then Alli realized what she had said and pointed a finger, "BUT she has a friend who can relate to her in every other way!"

Jake laughed.

Eli started to think, why the hell is Clare taking ballet? It was a little out of the blue for him. To get away from the family fights? _His _excuse to get out was going for a 'walk'. Then he wanted to know what ballet studio. He would ask but hell, he barely knew Alli, and Jake…all he knew was his name is Jake.

_Hey I'm Eli, Clare's boyfriend who hasn't talked to her for what reason god doesn't know._

Yeah, go with that…

The one ballet studio he saw signs for everywhere was _The Star Kirov. _It _had_ to be that one. It was the only one in their city. Then he knew how to get him and Clare talking again!

He'd support her. Every moment, no matter _what _he had to do, he'd be there with her. Showing her he _does _care. If only he knew where the mother fucker studio was, and if his car was working, his plan would carry out much more easily.

Then he realized computers existed for a reason. He walked out of the Dot, forgetting about Jake and Alli completely.

They were still there, laughing and talking.

Ballet rehearsal was over, Clare grabbed her bag and meekly tried to get off of her knees as she watched the others leave. She had never seen such beautiful dancing in her life, some slow and graceful, some fast and fun, god how she wished she could do all that with her eyes closed like some of them could.

"Clare, can you come here sweetheart?"

She walked over to the piano where Mrs. Alvaraz was. Mrs. Alvaraz has been a ballet teacher for years. She was a ballerina herself for quite a while, with a notoriously strict teacher. She had straight, auburn hair with a fringe, emerald eyes, she was shorter than most of her students, only about 5'1" but had a powerful voice with a deep Italian accent. She had her arms crossed, with a stern face.

Clare felt a stutter coming on, "Yes…Ma'am?" Manners. They always gave a good impression.

She sighed, "Alright." she straightened her posture, "First of all…your dancing was beautiful."

Clare looked at her confused, "Really?"

"Yes, it was very natural, not so controlled, but so…" she took a dramatic pause, "passionate."

Clare smiled, "Thank you."

"But…there is a bad part."

Clare looked…well, down at her.

"How hard was it to stand on your toes?"

Clare got confused again, wouldn't this be one of those questions she asks to the entire class?

"Well, it was difficult, but, it's hard for anyone unless if they were doing this style of dance since they were two. Right?"

She pursed her lips nodding, scanning Clare up and down. "Yes, but," the pauses were starting to annoy Clare, "How hard was it to keep on your toes?"

"Well…" she clutched the strap of her bag, "My legs were a little shaky most of the dance, but I think part of it was because I was nervous…but even now their pretty sore."

She took a step closer to Clare, "How much do you weigh?"

Clare's cheeks grew red as she let out a small laugh. "What?" she smiled unsurely.

"You heard me."

"Heh…115.…" she clutched the strap even more, taking a step back. With an embarrassed and confused smile.

She looked Clare in the eyes, stepping closely to her, "Lose wieght."

She stepped back, it took Clare a second, but then it hit her…hard. "**What**?"

"Yes Ma'am." she said, imitating her a little.

She stuttered, trying to find the right words. So many things she wanted to say to her…but all she could say was, "Why?"

"**Ignaro! **Think about it!" yup, she was definitely getting annoyed with her. "The thinner you are, the easier you can hold yourself up."

She was making sense and Clare knew it, but she was still determined to talk, but before she could, Alvaraz had beat her to it, "The easier people can lift you!" she said, raising both her arms on 'lift'.

She was getting bitter, she tried to stay polite, she found herself gritting her teeth, "Mrs. Alvaraz-"

"Ascoltare signorina! You must weigh 90 pounds!"

_Damn her_….she thought bitterly to herself, talking to her as if she was her pet…her _daughter_. _Damn her…_ she then hated herself for not taking Italian.

"90 pounds?"

"Have you seen, those other girls?"

_Yes, Ma'am…and they're disgusting, and bony._

"Look at how easily they can hold themselves up with nothing left to lose."

"Ma-"

"Ah!" she held a hand up. Clare angrily bit back her tongue…it hurt.

"If you don't weigh 90 pounds by night of show, your out of production. I can replace you," she snapped, "Just like that."

Clare wanted to cry, she felt angry tears in her eyes, but she fought them and choked them to stay away.

"Yes Ma'am." she was hoping she wouldn't see how blood shot her eyes were becoming.

She looked at Clare for a short second before saying thank you. Clare calmly walked out into the hallway, before running down it then bursting through the lobby doors. She couldn't help it, she breathed in, tears falling. Wiping her eyes and snot with the sleeve of her jacket. She sat on the bench, wearing herself down with the gasps, sobs and tears that were seemingly endless.

She felt insulted, taunted and disrespected. This couldn't possibly be the way show bussiness works.

She put on her mittens, hands suddenly numb. She wrapped her arms around her chest, cold. She felt, what felt like extremely cold water fall into her hair. She looked up. It didn't look like rain. She held out her hand, now warmed by the mitten, still a little sulky.

It was about time, it snowed. Very lightly, she stood up from the bench watching the flakes fall and kept telling herself to get home before it really starts. But she couldn't. It was absolutely perfect. The gray sky, light traffic, the cold wind nipping at her nose and cheeks. She loved it, it was peaceful.

She always new that once the snow melted, it would be spring. Spring was her favorite. She loved watching the snow fall because she knew once the bitter, coldness was over, a beautiful, bright new offering would appear.


	6. Chapter 6

Eli rotated his desk chair to the left and the right as he impatiently waited for the computer screen to load. He was listening to his mother talk on the phone downstairs to her sister. Eli only saw his aunt during Christmas then Easter. She'd stop by, drop off a present then leave. She wasn't necessarily _loving _as any other aunt but it was mostly because she didn't have kids of her own.

When the homepage came up he looked up "Star Kirov" and found their website. The first thing that came up was an advertisement for their show.

**The Star Kirov Presents:**

**The Nutcracker!**

**January 21-23 8:30 P.M. - 10:00 P.M.**

**Tickets now selling!**

He scrolled through the page and found the cast list. He found Clare, a sugar plum fairy _and _a Danish Marzipan Shepherdess? Seemed like a lot to handle. When he was twelve he was _forced _into seeing his middle school Christmas play. He remembered the songs _too _well. He felt proud of her though. Putting the effort into something she had hardly any experience in to…

To….

He still had no idea. Maybe it was to get out of the house like he thought. Then he kept asking himself: Clare's parents are divorcing, so she goes out and dances merrily on a stage? He was wracking his own brain trying to think of the possibilities _why _she would do this. Maybe her mom was making her…maybe her dad was making her…maybe they both wanted her to do it…

Maybe she's doing this to please her parents.

That had to be it!

That's when it hit him. He'd tell Clare he knows what's going on, and support her! Every step of the way, he'll be there. Whether he has to do lights, microphones, sound, ANYTHING he'll do to make sure Clare knows how much he still cares about her.

Now then…to find the freaking address.

Clare's mother arrived home late from work that day. The realtor forgot the combination to the lock box on her apartment and had to call her landlord.

"Clare? Honey you home?" she locked the door behind her. Only the bottom lock so her husband would be able to come in.

Clare was in the kitchen, putting small packages into the snack cabinets underneath the silverware drawers.

"Yeah mom! In here."

"Did you see that snow? Oh my god, it was beau-"

She saw the grocery bags in the trash.

"What's all this?"

"Oh, uh, I ran to the market on the way home."

"Really? What did you get?"

Clare paused, her eyes rushing to every corner in the room, "O-oh, just some snacks for the house." she stood up, crumbling up the last plastic bag and tossing it out. Her mother walked over to the counter, kneeling down to look at what she bought.

"Wait-mom!"

She saw some _Slim Fast _snack bars and 150 calorie meal bars. Nearly 3 packs of each. She looked at Clare, confused.

"Before you say anything…they're for me." she blushed a little.

"Honey, your perfect though."

"I know but…how much did you weigh when you took ballet?"

"Well 92 pounds about but it wasn't a very healthy life style."

"You see," she interrupted, "That's the thing…" she wanted to cry all over again, but she got over it, "My teacher said…if I don't lose the weight, I'm out of the show."

Suddenly, she saw flames in her mother's eyes, "WHAT?"

She was _angry_. And when Clare's mom was angry, she was ANGRY.

"Mom! Don't get upset!"

She walked over into the living room, "The nerve, she talks to my child like that!" she mumbled to herself. She grabbed the phone, Clare rushed over and grabbed it from her, "Mom! Please don't cause drama!"

"She has no right to say things like that to you! It's completely disrespectful!"

"It's ok-"

"AND INAPPROPRIATE!"

"MOM! It's ok!"

Her mother was taking a few breaths, when Clare saw her calming down, she started to talk again, "I don't want you to raise hell over this kind of thing. I'm willing to lose the weight, as long as I'm able to be in the show."

"Honey," she put a hand on Clare's shoulder, "think of what it will do to your body,"

"It's fine." Clare responded weakly.

"You could get health problems."

"Well…" Clare's plan was going so well, she wasn't going to give up now, "It's worth a shot."

Her mother looked at her, the look meant both support and, _you may regret this_.

Clare started walking to the stairs, "I'm gonna go take a shower, I'm really cold and I _want _hot water." she said, using her usual humor with her mom.

She chuckled, "Alright, I'll make you hot chocolate."

"Thanks." it didn't exactly go as Clare planned, but at least she was going to _hopefully _lose the weight before show.

She walked into her room grabbing warm night clothes, she looked at her calendar, the first night of show was the 21st. It was currently the 10th. She only had 11 days to lose 25 pounds?

_25?_

She wasn't a miracle worker, but she decided instead of math club, she'd go to the gym after school, maybe run a little. Hell, _walking _to school and back would cost her a few pounds a day. But it was snowing, how the hell was she supposed to sweat in this weather? Finally she put it off, and stepped into her shower, relieved by the warm water.

-X-

Clare did as she told herself she would and walked to school the next day. She got up 15 minutes earlier than she normally would however. She ate one of her before she left. Half-a breakfast she thought but it would be worth it when she sees her parents kiss. She was wrapped up in a warm, thick maroon colored jacket with jeans. Come now, she thought, Principal Simpson wouldn't let the kids freeze to death with their uniforms. Of course when she showed up, _everyone_ was bundled up in jackets and jeans etc. so she wouldn't be the only one who gets in trouble if there was still a rule. She bumped into Jake at the entrance, the two shared a delightful "hey." afterward.

"How did first rehearsal go?"

"It went pretty good, Mrs. Alvaraz loved my dance routine."

"That's good." he commented smiling, towering over her as usual. He was starting to become comfortable with his height. Looking down to talk to people was becoming normal to him.

"Yup, next rehearsal's Wednesday afternoon, I have to choreograph my _Dance of the Reeds_." she said, trying to sound excited. She told herself, she'd loose ten pounds by next _weekend _rehearsal. "My partner's a guy though. Pretty much the only guy in the company." The two laughed walking to Clare's locker.

"Well, ballet's a hard thing and," Clare listened as she marked the dates of her locker calendar, "if you did that dancing off the spot and she loved it, just imagine what you can do in your next dance."

Clare bit her lip in nervousness, "I'd rather not…" Jake snickered thinking she was joking but she really didn't want to think her next dancing was going to be like…especially with a strange guy she didn't know. The first bell rang.

"I'll see you next period." Jake started to walk off.

"See ya'." she called.

Eli was just waking up. He bundled himself in his sheets the night before and found his arms tangled in them as he tried to sit up. When he finally did, he realized how unusually bright it was. Then he looked at his clock.

9:20 A.M.

_Shit!_

He quickly, showered, brushed his teeth and rushed on a shirt, jacket and jeans before grabbing his bag and running down the stairs. He was about to bolt out of the house when he saw someone aside from his mom and dad in the house.

His _aunt._

He let go of the door knob and walked into the kitchen where they were all talking. Each had a coffee cup in their hand. They were mainly discussing things about work however, which confused Eli. He then noticed how much his mom looked like her sister. Both had long, blond hair, green eyes, slim figures. Eli started to wonder if they looked like his grandma. He had never seen her natural hair color before it went gray however, but he assumed it to be blond, then she always wore glasses. Her eyes were hazel. Now he knew where he got his hazel eyes from. In contrast to getting his father's dark hair and facial structure.

Then he started to wonder, when the hell did she get there? Surely the doorbell or telephone would've woken him up. Maybe that's what his mother was talking about the night before…

"Now look, Cece,"

"Linda!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay long you know dad's been-" she sighed, putting her face into her palm,

"Now honey, give her a break she's been driving since two in the morning just to see us."

Eli was wondering when his grandfather would get involved. He hadn't heard a word about him since his grandma's passing. He wanted to stay and chat with them but then he also wanted to skip school to sit in the park again. Then he remembered the picnic table would be covered with snow.

He sighed and got himself out of the house. It was full of nothing but misery now, and his only _escape _needless to say was school. He started walking to his usual way to school, passed the freshly fallen show outside his door step but then he stopped. He didn't know what the hell he wanted to do. He found himself turning and walking to the park. He could use the work anyway of brushing off the snow…

xXx

At the lunch table later that day, the three tenners sat at their usual table leisurely. Dave was struggling to open yet another juice bottle.

"Man, how are you failing all of these tests." Connor asked, he and Wes helped grade papers again that day. "They really aren't that hard."

"Sorry guys," he let out a small grunt as he tried to turn the cap. "Busy."

"Let me guess." Wesley said taking out a lunch pale, "You had things going on?" he said air quoting on 'things'.

"Yeah yeah, something like that."

"Hey."

They looked up. Adam finally arrived he set his bag down and slumped down into his chair. The three observed him carefully, his eyes were exhausted and blood shot. His face reddened a little.

"You doing ok?"

Adam sniffled a little, "Yeah." he quickly wiped his eye with the sleeve of his jacket "What makes you say that?"

"You look like you've been crying."

Adam felt himself caught a little, but he knew how to cover it up, "Science class, this idiot mixed up the wrong chemicals…smoke everywhere."

"Ok.." Wes nodded, they seemed to buy it.

"Oh, that happened to me before. Stings your eyes like hell!" Connor joined in.

Adam nodded. He saw Dave struggling again he went to take it from him, "Here-"

"No, no! I…got…it." he said twisting and turning his wrist, his hand in pain. He finally gave up, "Here, I'll let the pro handle it."

Adam chuckled, opening it without any trouble.

Wesley felt like a little mockery, "It could just be that the bottle likes Adam more than you."

Connor joined in, "Considering all year last year you couldn't open that soda bottle…"

Wes joined in once more, "And I could without even trying."

Dave smirked after taking a sip, "That's nice guys…real nice. I loosened it for him!"

Adam lightened up a bit, "Hey. Why don't you ask Tasha to 'loosen it' for you before you leave for school?"

Wes and Connor broke out into laughter, Dave couldn't help but laugh himself, "Ok. That's just cruel." he pointed at him.

Adam playfully rolled his eyes smiling to himself as the others laughed.

Clare was sitting with Alli and Jake. "So after I was finished with the Sugar Plum Fairy, she said 'see me after class' and I was so scared I mean, what if she was gonna say I was horrible," she was talking a mile a minute, Jake and Alli were barely keeping up. "and stuff like that, but anyways…," she took a breath, "she loved it."

The two smiled. Jake felt free to sip his milk, "Well that's good."

"Thanks but here's the thing," she went back to mushing her words together, "She says….if I don't weigh 90 pounds by night of show I'm off the play."

Alli's eyes widened, "WHAT?" Jake nearly chocked on his milk.

Clare nodded.

"Ok. Woah, woah, WOAH! 90...pounds?"

Clare nodded once more,

"Like…a 9...and a 0?" she said air writing the nine and zero.

"Alli this isn't 20 questions."

"I know but Clare! That's not right! You shouldn't weigh 90 pounds at 15!"

Jake finally swallowed, "You look fine!"

"I know! I know. But I'll be able to stand on my toes easier and people can lift me easier-"

"You see why I quit Clare?"

Clare paused. She hated being interrupted.

"I'd rather quit than break my bones just so some guy can pick me up by the hips for two seconds."

"But Alli!…my parents…"

Alli simmered down a bit, Jake then remembered as well.

"They're so proud of me!"

Alli felt guilty then…making her feel bad for doing something she practically _had _to do.

"So…what did you do to keep 90 pounds?"

Alli slouched down, "Well…"

"No I mean, how did you stay in shape?"

"Well, first off, I had a very high metabolism to begin with so…I burned off food easily. But, I suggest lots of veggies, running," Clare nodded with each word. Then Alli paused, looking at Jake who was just awkwardly sitting there.

"Feel free to join in anytime buddy."

"I would but…I'm not sure what to say."

Clare giggled.

"Anyways, I'll help you. Don't worry."

Jake leaned forward, "And…if you need me for anything…which I kind of doubt but…you know where to find me."

Clare smiled. At least she had two people she knew she could count on. Then she started to think…she started to stare at the table.

Alli waved her hand in front of her eyes, "Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah…I'm fine."

_Just…perfect._


	7. Chapter 7

_**XFurubaX: Ok…you may really want to listen to Dance of the Reeds before or after reading. Highly recommended! =)**_

_After school, Clare had her gym schedule all ready, 5 sit ups, tread mill for 7 minutes then a few of her stretches…hopefully by then she'd at least break a sweat. She kept asking herself who she was kidding, 27 degrees outside, 48 inside? _

_Good luck…_

Alli couldn't come that day, it was Monday and she had late afternoon chores, and no one bothered to go to the gym after school, rushing home to their heaters; Clare kept her jacket on. Better chance of her sweating in _that_ then the long sleeved shirt she had on underneath.

She dropped her book bag onto the floor as she walked in. The school was empty, not counting the principal and a few other staff members having meetings. Power Squad was too cold to dance around in tank-tops and skirts, the football field and the bleachers were covered in snow, at least she wouldn't embarrass herself in front of anyone. 

She laid down on her back, putting her hands behind her head. Slowly, she literally sat herself up. Letting out a small grunt as she was finally up on her bottom, she mumbled to herself,

"One."

Back down, on her back, she inhaled deeply through her nose. It was harder than she thought. _Come on! It's for your parents! _She kept thinking, _Just four more! _She lifted her upper body once again, it was slightly easier than the first time, but her stomach and chest hurt a bit, hopefully that meant she was doing it right. Once again, on her bottom,

"Two."

She laid down again, she felt a little hot, which was good she thought, _hopefully _she was doing _something _right. Grunting a little, she lifted herself a third time, but when she did, she noticed someone at the door.

"Clare?"

Principal Simpson.

She worked her way into a normal sitting position, "Oh hi…" how weird she felt, her principal just saw her working out, "I was just…toning up some muscle!" awkward….

"I thought no one was here, there's a possible snow storm on its way."

_Your kidding…_

She stood up, "Ok, I guess I'll be headed home." she grabbed her bag, but as she started to walk out, he grabbed her shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

He had a concerned look, "how are you doing?"

Clare was confused, but she wouldn't back sass her principal, two more years she was with him, "Fine…why?"

"I mean…since…"

Clare nodded, "I'm ok…I'm fine."

He nodded, "Ok…that's good."

She put her head down, licking her lips, "Yeah…" she mumbled to herself, she jerked her head up, to prove her point, "Thanks."

"Just making sure."

She slung her bag around her shoulder and walked past him before stopping, "Wait, why are you still here?"

"I was actually making sure other students were aware of the storm if they were still here…in which the case is…you're the only one."

Clare sighed, trying to cover her embarrassment, "Ok…thanks, see you tomorrow." and she left the building.

She walked home, hopefully costing her a few…ounces.

Another snowball hit the tree. Hitting the same spot the other seven did. Eli picked up another mound of snow he could get into his mittens that gave his hands little mobility. He had been keeping himself entertained by hitting 'bulls eyes' with snowballs. It was just getting fun. He tossed the little ball back and forth in hands before aiming steadily, and throwing.

Yup, same spot.

"_Really Goldsworthy? This is what you call fun?"_

He didn't even realize it but he, almost involuntarily, grabbed another mound of snow from the ground.

"_Yup…I guess you do."_

He aimed carefully, the tree was the batter, and he was the pitcher. He had never played baseball, but this sure was a hell of practice for pitching. He practically flung it towards the tree, as it splattered into bits of a white mess.

Strike one!

He then squeezed his hand into his pocket, making the best grab he could for his phone,

4:01 P.M.

"_Just one more."_

For his own entertainment, he made a huge one this time, smoothing it out in his hand, he looked at the tree now covered in what was once freshly fallen snow, now freezing water. He noticed how ugly the tree looked without leaves, let alone the branches were frozen in ice. For reasons unknown, he started to think of Fitz.

It was _his _fault.

He and Clare would never be the same because of him. If he had never come into his life, he would've been fine.

He hoped he was rotting miserably in jail….

He threw the ball, smashing completely into small ice crystals as it angrily met the tree. This one was a definite striker. He wished it was Fitz's head…so badly.

Later on in the afternoon, Clare had her heater on full blast as she continued her sit ups in her room. Her parents weren't home…hopefully they wouldn't kill her for the electric bill if they found out…

She was on her tenth, she felt quite proud. She felt a few sweat droplets forming in her hair as she grunted, working herself up one last time,

"Ten."

She exhaled, that was a good deal she had done that afternoon.

Now…stretches.

She began doing her typical ballet stretches she'd do before and after rehearsal. After about five minutes of stretches, she kept telling herself it wasn't enough as she was barely sweating.

Five more minutes.

_No…_

Two more minutes.

_Maybe some more sit ups…_

Right as she got down on her back again she heard the front door open and close.

"Clare?"

It was her mother.

"Honey I'm home!"

She sat up on her bottom, "I'll be there in a minute." she ran out into the hallway turning her heater off. 70 degrees she set it to.

"There." she whispered to herself. She trotted down the steps, her mother was in the kitchen putting a few minor things away in the cabinets. She jumped a little when she looked at Clare,

"What?"

"You look like you've been working yourself out."

"_And you win a million dollars!"_

"Long walk home."

"God, you look tired." she felt Clare's forehead.

She couldn't help but smirk, "Mom, what are you doing? I'm fine." she moved her hand away.

"I guess you've never walked so much in your life?"

Did 7 hours at Disney land for her 8th birthday not count? She made her parents and her sister stay up until 11 at night just so she could get a picture with Cinderella.

"Guess not." she took a step back, "Hey, do you think I could have a salad for dinner tonight?"

Her mother eyed her as she grabbed a water out from the fridge, "Um…ok, but is that _all _you want?"

Clare bit her lip, "Yeah, with tomatoes?" as long as she had something she _liked _with it.

Her mother looked at her confused, as if she forgot about the entire blow out she had the day before. "Alright." she opened her water walking into the office.

Clare stood there, worried and unsure about what was going to happen. She walked into the downstairs bathroom where the weight scale was. She took off her jacket and shoes, and stood on it. She gazed at the wall before looking down,

114.8

She smiled gleefully, doing a mini cheer inside her head. Maybe she _could _do this. She walked back upstairs cheerfully, going to do her homework.

When Eli got home, now chilled to the bone, his aunt was still there. He saw the three of them on the couch watching some more old videos. They were in a scattered chat, not really paying attention. Eli either really didn't give a fuck, or was just in one of his 'moods' and bypassed the couch, 

"I'm home."

He walked upstairs. Opening his bedroom door, setting his bag to the side, he walked over to his desk opening the blinds of his window. He watched the snow fall from the dark sky. It was quite windy out as the snow seemed to be falling sideways rather than to the ground. It sighed to himself, he had forgotten how angry he was supposed to be at Fitz. But he simply let it go…for the time. Right now he had to figure out how he was going to help Clare.

Maybe he'd walk in himself and 'sign up' or whatever the hell he's supposed to do to help with the technical staff.

Elijah Goldsworthy was _not _an on stage person…or at least he didn't want to be.

But just the sheer thought of getting to hold Clare again…to kiss her made anything he'd have to do worth it. Anything to have what made his life perfect again was worth climbing to the top of Mt. Everest to him. 

But god, he felt so helpless lately, the trio drifting apart, new kid in town taking his place even when he could do something about it. All he wanted was to know Clare still had those feelings he had for him. It was like he was dying of thirst and the ocean was right there, but he couldn't have it. He wasn't strong enough yet.

_When the time is right. _He thought.

_When the time is right, we'll be together again._

-X-

School was closed for the next few days due to the snow. Clare was able to walk around on Tuesday, her parents had her run a few errands getting medications from the drug store. They specifically told her, unfortunately for her _No Diet Pills. _She checked the weight scale almost every hour.

Currently, she was at 114.3

_Damn it! _Only a few ounces she had lost and she had rehearsal in two hours.

She was sure Mrs. Alvaraz wasn't evil enough to have her lose five pounds by next rehearsal she thought. She stretched up in her room, she only did 3 sit ups that day, mostly out of laziness. The sun gleamed through her window, not for long however, they predicted more snow for the weekend.

Her mother walked in. "Hey, you want me to drive you to rehearsal or are you walking?"

Clare bent down, touching the floor, "I'll walk."

Her mother looked at Clare's clock. 2:50 P.M.

She leaned against the door crossing her arms, "Hey, what did you eat for breakfast?"

Clare worked her way up, "Eggs and sausage."

"And lunch?"

Clare stopped, her eyes scattered around the room, trying to think. "Uh-"

"Did you even eat breakfast?"

Clare was caught. Lying would only make it worse. "…no."

"Clare!" she walked in.

"I'm sorry. I'll eat a big dinner I promise."

She was about to start stretching again when her mother put a hand on he shoulder, "Clare, you know skipping meals is bad for you."

"I know."

"So, why would you do it?"

Clare was humiliated, her mother knew damn well why, she mumbled as she said it, tilting her head down a little, "Trying to loose weight."

Her mother took Clare as they both sat on her bed, "Clare, first of all, skipping meals, doesn't help. You know if you don't eat, your body thinks your starving yourself and it _holds on_ to the fat."

Clare sighed, she knew…but she _had _to go through it, her plan was like a mine leading a perfect path straight to the gold. Her parents haven't fought in days. Rather, she heard them talking about her ballet, even _bragging _to some of their friends.

"Ok, I'm sorry. I've only done it once and I won't do it anymore I swear!"

Her mother looked at her, giving her a trusting look and rubbing her shoulder. "Ok. Let me know before you leave." she walked to the door.

"K…"

She was at the scale again, licking her lips as she anxiously watched the numbers slowly go up,

113.9

Two pounds?…Ok, not bad she kept saying. But it would take a miracle to lose 23 more in 9 days.

9 days…

She was almost late to rehearsal, as she ran into the studio in her leotard, stockings and ballet shoes, toes taped together, hair tied into the shortest bun possible. They were choreographing _Arabian Dance. _

"Clare, so nice of you to join us!"

Clare nodded, walking over to the group of ballerinas and setting her change of clothes down. She felt a finger tap her shoulder. It was a man, in nothing but a leotard and tights.

"Hey." she greeted, as if she knew him.

"Hey…your Clare Edwards right?"

"Yeah." she responded standing up right.

"My name's Victor," he held out a hand, "I'll be your partner for _Dance of the Reeds_."

They shook, Clare smiled brightly, "Nice to meet you." They watched as the song ended. The man and woman bowed as they walked opposite ways.

"Next cast, _Dance of the Reeds_!" she called, her thick Italian accent messed up "Reeds" a bit.

The two walked up, standing up straight, chins high and ready for whatever she had in store. Alvaraz walked up to Clare, whispering in her ear, "How much have you lost?"

Clare couldn't believe she'd bring this up in the middle of rehearsal, "Two." she whispered back. She backed up, shooting Clare a disappointed look with her eyes.

"_What the Hell?" _she screamed inside her head, on the outside, she was still in a straight position. _"What do I have to do to get on this bitches good side?"_

Mrs. Alvaraz circled the two slowly, observing their 'body posture'. Heat and anger were slowly rising in Clare's stomach, for now, she tried to let it go and enjoy her dance.

Alvaraz was finally in front of the two. "Victor!" she circled her hand.

"Oh, yes." he stood behind Clare, his right hand on her right shoulder, the his left hand holding her left hand.

Mrs. Alvaraz smiled, walking over to the piano. "Good."

Clare was confused, "What are you doing?" she whispered. He leaned towards her ear, "This is the position for the start of the song but, if your not comfortable, we can-"

"No, its fine." she whispered back. Despite how awkward it felt.

After a discussion with the pianist, she walked in front of the two once more, "Clare, move to your right a little more."

She did as told, his hand still on her shoulder and hand in hand. His arm was that was holding her shoulder was bent a little, as the one holding her hand was stretched out almost completely.

"Beautiful, now Clare, if you could do an arabesque." 

Clare had no idea how she was supposed to do that, then she figured it out, she stretched out her left leg backward, underneath her and Victor's arm, and lifted her other arm, in which he had her shoulder.

"Perfect." she walked over to the pianist again, "And remember, you are happy, the rat king is dead. Smile!"

The two looked at each other before giving a natural grin. 

It began, they let the first few notes in before marching in along with the beat. During the interlude into the next part of the first verse, he twirled Clare, in the mini arabesque position they were in. He transferred Clare over to his left hand, twirling her away from him, letting go of her shoulder. He held out his arms and bowed as if representing her.

She then realized it was her turn to dance, second part of the first verse, a literal copy of the first half. She held her arms out high on her toes, toe-skipping once around Victor and twirling the rest of the way, ending exactly where she was before, she then copied him, now representing him.

He toe walked toward her, gently grabbing her hand and twirling her to her right, leaving her to dance again. As he knelt down in a position as if admiring her, she looked at him, now into her role, with a face as if she saw his loneliness she trotted on her toes over and grabbed his hand, bringing him up on his toes to dance. 

He stood proudly behind her, with bright smiles as it transversed into the second verse, Clare held her self in an arabesque, as he did, they hopped on one set of toes, two hops to their rights, presenting their own unique forms of twirls and leg lifts that balanced out in the song perfectly, she held out a hand, telling his character to show off what he's got.

He danced and hopped around the studio, twirling as Clare walked on her toes with a smile, her character now adoring him. He happily grabbed her hand and shoulder, twirled her to his left, then right, as the song transversed into the interlude.

Now then, Clare read the script about this dance, a man with a rat's helmet would come in, frightening the couple. Clare would back away from him as he followed her where ever she went on stage. The catch was, she had to be on her toes…for 20 seconds.

It was the interlude, the man had showed up. While Victor was on his feet backing away, Clare was on her toes her arms out in front of her and slightly crossed as she tried to build a wall between her and the rat. She rapidly moved her toes, a frightened expression on her face. The 'rat' followed her no matter where she went, it went to grab her, she ducked twirling, still on her toes and now on the other side of him, she continued to back up on her toes, ankles crossed. As Clare was now 'cornered' the rat was about to grab her, still on her toes she remained. Victor rushed to her rescue, however, it was only a commoner with a mask, the three laugh as Clare has a relieved expression on her face.

She and Victor then get back into their regular position. For the third and final verse, they remained in that position and hopped in place in a circle, both on one set of toes. He let her go, as she, with a cheerful smile, hopped to her right twirling in mid-air as she did so, he then jumped to his left twirling like she did. The two then trotted towards each other as he lifted her by the hips, she bent one of her legs inward as she stretched the other to the side, holding her arms up high as he twirled her.

After setting her down, they went back into regular position once more. Performing their circling hop in place for a second time. He let go of Clare, she stood on her toes, hopping in place twirling then holding out a hand to Victor as he did the same. Finally, the tag, he took her hand, twirling her to his left, then right.

It was over.

After a second of silence, he let go, they stood next to each other as Mrs. Alvaraz walked over to them. She had a pleased smirk, "Very good. Beautiful."

The two smiled, "However…I have a question for Victor."

"Yes?"

Clare's smile faded.

"How…hard was it to lift her?"

Victor's head flinched a little, a small smile. She saw his eyes look at her, "Ah-…" he did a little, scoff/laugh.

"Very hard right?" she crossed her arms.

Victor looked at Clare, he then looked at Mrs. Alvaraz, with an embarrassed expression.

"That'll be all."

Victor began to walk off, as he passed Clare, he head him whisper.

"I'm so sorry."

Now, it was her and the bitch.

"Before you say anything," Clare beat her to it, "I've been exercising, dieting…sort of, I'll do anything to stay in this production!" she beamed, hoping to sound more dedicated than _desperate_.

"I'm aware…" she still had her arms crossed.

"So…why do you keep torturing me with it?" she half yelled, catching the other girls attention. "You think I forgot after a few days. I know, 90 pounds! Not 91, not 89 but 90!" she said smacking her hand into her other with each number. "So enough with the reminders!"

_What the hell did she just say?_

Mrs. Alvaraz just stood there, arms still crossed, her emerald eyes burning into Clare's.

She opened her mouth, and one word came out, "Saturday."

"What?"

She began to walk away, "Weigh 90 pounds by Saturday or your off the show."

NO!

"Mrs. Alvaraz-"

"Next cast, _Waltz of the Flowers_!"

Clare stared at disbelief as three girls passed by, giving he a look of concern as they did.

They'd start rehearsing on the stage on Saturday, and Clare just made her problem ten times worse.


	8. Chapter 8

It was about 1:30 in the morning, Eli jerked up in his bed, tangled in his bed sheets trying to free his arms to fight off his non-existent attacker. He finally woke up enough to realize nothing was there and pulled one arm out from under the cover. Looking around the room frantically, he calmed himself down finally,

"God…", he covered his face with his hand, "so stupid…"

It was Vegas Night all over again, only he wasn't so lucky. And he was alone. Just him, Fitz, and a knife.

He vividly remembered it, he felt the pain like he imagined it would feel. Well, in this case, dreamed.

He swung his legs off the bed, he still had a steam engine in his chest. He quietly walked downstairs into the kitchen, grabbing a cup from the cabinet. Not wanting to wake his parents and aunt with the icemaker, he opened up the freezer, grabbing the ice himself. He pushed his cup against the small lever, watching his cup fill with water, cracking the ice as it went.

He let out another small sigh of relief as he sipped it. Walking up the stairs and continuing down the hallway, he stopped. The door to his parents room was open. He saw them both asleep, hanging off either side of the bed. His mother was doing her usual sleep mutter and his father was snoring.

There was definitely no waking them up. Especially his father. When he was tired, forget it.

Eli also got that trait from his father. Once he was out, he was _out_.

Eli wondered if he had yelled or anything in his sleep. He remembered crying out right before he woke up. He wasn't sure if he dreamed he cried out, or screamed himself awake. He only thought this because when he was 14 he recalled repeatedly having a typical dream of being chased and right when they'd catch him, he'd wake up. His father would tell him the morning after that he was moaning and mumbling in his sleep.

He plopped back down on his bed, staring at the pitch black ceiling. He realized how fucking damp his pillow was from the sweat. He flipped it over, turning on his side. He wrapped himself in his sheets, feeling the -13 degree weather of the outside hit him. He closed his eyes, waiting to fall back asleep.

Unfortunately he simply tossed and turned for another 3 hours until he finally gave in and decided to lay awake until dawn. By 4:32 AM however, even though he didn't realize it, he fell into a sleep. Too deep for dreams.

Clare was up at 6 AM, taking a freezing walk around her neighborhood. Wrapped in multiple sweatshirts and a large jacket with the thickest pair of jeans she could find, she felt she was making no progress. She had her arms wrapped tightly around her breasts as her teeth chattered and her body shook. She looked at her watch, it was now 6:50. Her parents always woke up at 7 to get started on work early. Luckily, she was just heading back to her home.

She slowly turned the knob as she closed the door. She tip toed up into her room taking off her jacket and shirts until she was back in the tank top she slept and pajama pants she slept in. She was about to wrap herself in her sheets again since she was sure she was about to freeze, but then her mother opened the door.

"Your up early."

"Yeah, I forgot there was no school today…"

Her mother snickered, "Your father and I have a few drive bys and inspections today, you want to come or-"

"Oh no, I'll be fine here." she slowly worked up the courage, then unwrapped herself.

"…ok," she walked out, then stepped back in, "DO NOT, leave this house, or open the door for anyone!"

"Yes mom." Clare was getting a warmer shirt to wear over her tank top.

"Make SURE, the doors are locked."

"I will." she responded nodding.

Her mother clicked her tongue, "Ok." she walked in, kissing Clare's head, "We won't be long."

Her father called from downstairs,

"I know, I'm coming!" her mother walked out, Clare watched her from the top of the stairs, grab her purse and keys before they walked out the door into the biting cold. Clare rapidly walked down each step and turned the two locks. She watched them get into the car through the peep hole, and waited until the car was gone. She walked into the kitchen, rummaging through the snack drawer and grabbing one of her _Slim Fast _snack bars. Not the meal bars, the snack bars. She ate it in less than a minute. She looked at the oven. Normally, there'd be a breakfast biscuit in there right now….

No. Not today. She thought.

She went upstairs, playing _The Nutcracker _soundtrack as she stretched to the rhythm. She stretched through the Overture, the famous Nutcracker March, and Snowflake suit. She paused her music player, as her legs, sides and back ached. She walked into the downstairs bathroom.

113.4

_Damn It!_

A few ounces out of the 23 pounds she had to loose in 3 days. _"That won't do Edwards, that won't do."_

She stretched through the rest of the entire soundtrack. By then, her entire body was worn out, but she still wouldn't rest. She was thrilled that her hair was drenched with sweat. It was possible that standing right underneath her air vent with the heater on 83 degrees helped. That had taken up about 20 minutes and it was only 8:02 in the morning. She anxiously paced down to the weight scale,

112.9

_Yes! 22 more to go._

She felt a little light headed after all the stretching, but her being proud seemed to overpower it. She then went to walk over to the staircase, stumbling a little as she did. Her legs felt wobbly as she grabbed the rail.

_Just tired…_

She walked up to her room and laid her head down on her pillow. For some reason the sunlight irritated her and she propped it over her head.

-X-

Eli woke up around 10 AM. Quite early for him on a no-school day. He could hear his parents and aunt talking downstairs. He couldn't figure out about what, but he absolutely wished he wasn't awake right now. He pushed himself into an upright position. The ice in his water cup was fully melted and he bet it was probably warm and bland tasting. However he wasn't sure, with the snowy weather and all. He wasn't fully awake yet, he groggily stood up from the bed wiping the sleep dust from the corners of his eyes.

"Anyways thank you so much for coming, Linda." he could hear his mothers voice call. It was apparent his aunt was leaving.

"I'll try to get dad down here as soon as possible."

"Thank you so much." His father's voice went.

As he passed the stairwell to go into the bathroom across the hall. He saw his mother hugging her sister who had a rolling bag in her hand.

"Do you need me to drive you to the airport-"

"No, I'll be fine. I rented a car remember?"

He walked in and closed the door. He looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes were exhausted, mostly due to how tired he was due to getting merely three hours of sleep. He went ahead and brushed his teeth and washed his face. He still had that look in his eyes and still had a bed head. He heard the front door slam.

Elvis had left the building he thought. Out of no where like a spark of electricity, Clare came to his mind.

_Now _he was awake.

He'd figure out the rehearsal schedule and do one of his 'surprise show ups'. He'd probably end up doing microphones or lights or something but as long as he was with Clare, it didn't matter to him.

Fuck it was early he kept thinking. For some reason he found himself sitting on the bathroom floor, leaning up against the sink counter. He began to ask himself so many questions, why didn't he talk to her sooner? And when the hell did he get so weak? He'd do anything just to get the feeling of strength back, that old confidence and unpredictability back.

The three main things that Clare fell for…at least he thought. He heard someone coming up the stair case. He quickly stood up, then he heard the footsteps pass the bathroom and come to a halt. He cracked the door open, peering down the hallway, his father was looking at some of the framed portraits on the walls. They had nearly 30 pictures on each of the walls. All family, all memories. Most of the left wall was made up of Eli as a child,

There was one of Eli's first smile when he was about 2 months old, him at about 2 years old, walking properly for the first time. His 3rd birthday party, etc, he saw a picture of him riding a horse. He didn't remember riding a horse at all in his life…then again, his dad was next to him holding him up on the horse's back and he looked about 3.

He saw a picture of himself at six when he took karate. He had his father's old white belt wrapped around him about twelve times and the rest was from his teacher. Nothing special in the picture, except he was showing off what he could do with nun-chucks.

Did all his parents do when he was younger was take pictures?

Probably were trying to make the most of it before Eli would literally hide from the camera.

He then saw the picture his father was looking at. The family portrait. He remembered a photographer coming to their house once when he was 6. Over 2 hours of photos. Eli in a little suit with his mother and father dressed both beautifully. Although the picture only showed the three of them from the mid-section up, Eli knew he was sitting on his mother's lap, she was in a white dress with her hair pulled in a perfectly messy bun. His father in a tuxedo, his hair was still black at the time and was cut in an, almost too perfect manner. He noticed something about that picture, Eli had an angry look in his face. In fact, his parents both had serious expressions.

Did the photographer ask them to do that? He couldn't remember. The background was completely black. Eli couldn't remember if he was tired of taking pictures…or if that's simply how he looked right when the photographer hit the switch. He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his father sigh as he gazed into it, almost like he was coming out of a trance. His father closed his eyes and turned away, walking into his room.

Eli was growing apart from more things than his girlfriend at the time…and yet for apparently the same reasons he couldn't talk to them either. Eli walked out into the hall and observed the photo as well. The photo…was almost perfect.

The two, dark, somewhat sinister expressions on his parents face and the anger in Eli's…it _was _perfect.

Strange things can be found in photos he thought. And that one described him and his family…it defined the Goldsworthy family.

It was now 11 in the morning and Clare's parents were finally home, a long drive to the inspections, then one realtor talked them to death about what a rotten neighborhood she lived in, another didn't show up until 15 minutes late. It was quite aggravating, but they were home.

"Clare?"

She was still laying on her bed, the light-headed feeling wouldn't go away. Every time she sat up it got worse. "I'm upstairs!" she called.

"You ok?" her mother called from the bottom of the stairway.

"Yeah! I'm practicing my dances!" she lied. She didn't hear her mother walking up so she was sure she could get away with it.

Her mom didn't seem to question it and went towards the office, "Did you eat?"

"Yes Ma'am!"

Crap…now what?

"What did you eat?" suspicion in her tone.

"I ate one of my meal bars, but I'll eat something later on for lunch!"

Ok…not really a lie.

"…ok."

Clare threw the pillow off her head and onto the floor. She couldn't look at her ceiling fan or she felt like she was going to throw up. She put a hand over her eyes as nausea took over.

"_Fuck it was just one meal, and only a half hour of working out!"_

Waiting for it to go away, she enjoyed the cool air inside her house, not like the outside, but not like the cruel summer either. She felt her hands shaking and her heart racing a bit, but at the same time she was calm…it racked her nerves a bit as she carefully pulled herself up. Her legs were shaking as well. She barely made it down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her parents were in the office so they didn't see her walk down.

She grabbed a yogurt, something filling and at the same time, _healthy _and practically swallowed the entire thing in one spoonful. The light-headedness started going away and she felt less shaky. The nausea however remained as it was. She went to go weigh herself, but she figured she didn't loose any more pound from laying around feeling sick. She dropped herself onto the couch, swiping her bangs out of her face and switching the television on.

It was rare when Clare got to be lazy. But she wanted to work out some more so badly. She knew it was almost impossible to loose 22 pounds in a day…let alone 3 days. But that weird little spell she just went through bothered her…she thought maybe a little break wouldn't hurt.

However, a few minutes later she was back on her bedroom floor, doing sit ups.

20...she told herself.

20 sit ups.

She barely made it to 14. Her stomach, back and chest hurt unbearably but hopefully that meant she was _really _getting there.

"_No! Your not done! 20! Don't stop! 20!"_

The sweat must've really meant something. Her heater was barely on.

"_15..."_

Back down,

"_16..."_

Back down,

"_17..."_

She plopped down onto her back…_"Three more…come on Edwards…for your family!"_

She breathed in, grunting a little,

"_18..."_

Down on her back,

"_19..."_

Suddenly, she just couldn't. She lost all mobility in her arms and legs.

"_Please! Come on! Please!"_

She felt hopelessly weak and tired as she had to grab the edge of her desk to pull herself up. She couldn't stop panting, sweat poured from her face. She stood up and, wobbly, made her way to the kitchen to get water.

It was the most relieved she had ever felt in her life when she took a sip. She relentlessly wiped the sweat from her hair….

Then she had an idea.

She walked to the weight scale…hoping for at least a few ounces.

111.1

"_Point one!"_

Soon she'd only have 20 pounds to go. She however wasn't seeing the difference…of course, when was the last time she looked into a mirror?

Then she made up her mind…although she'd hate herself for lying about it later, no lunch…just work. She sipped her iced water again, and went to _truly _laze about for the day.


	9. Chapter 9

It was late dusk, and the sun was out and the Goldsworthy's had a beautiful view from the back porch. However, no one was outside to look at it, either it was too cold or no one was in a mood.

_Eli _certainly wasn't. He'd sat at his desk with his head down all day. Nothing to do, he was irrevocably tired, he was hoping he'd fall asleep at that desk but something was keeping him awake. He was hoping to get to check out any tech positions at the _Star Kirov_. He attempted to go for a walk earlier but barley made it 4 inches off his door step. Then why the hell he never got in bed if he wanted to sleep he didn't know.

Damn…that _is _lazy.

He sat up, swiping his bangs out of his eyes and looked out his window, the top, hood, trunk and window shield of Morty were all covered in layers of snow. He remembered the last time he tried to drive Morty in snow…yep, Morty was _not _cooperative when it was cold.

Had he eaten? He kept asking himself. He didn't care, it wasn't like one day of skipping was going to starve him. If was still five, he and his dad would be having a snowball war outside right now. Thing was, that was 11 years ago, and neither one gave a _fuck _about the snow. As much as he really wanted one to get his mind off things right now, he wasn't going to.

Grandma's gone, I'm slowly loosing my family, Clare's slipping away, and _Jake_.

What was the deal with Jake anyway? Doesn't he know Clare has a boyfriend?

Or…had?

That was a bad thought, what if he and Clare were broken up and he didn't realize it? It wasn't his fault! Well…not _all _his fault. God damn, he hoped it wasn't over that little anniversary thing. Hell, they weren't even talking. Well…kind of, if shooting each other looks counted.

He looked over on the side of his desk, he saw his phone in the wall charging. He unplugged it and entered his lock code. His wallpaper was skulls…not surprising to him.

He looked through some of his photos. Mainly random pictures his dad took when he was able to get a hand of Eli's phone. It was either pictures of some of the projects he did on the house to send to relatives…or show off. Then the pictures of Eli were either him, ducking or hiding his face from the camera. The one he _did _get Eli, he was on the couch with a soda in his hand about to laugh. Next to him he saw Adam, holding a Play Station controller…he began to remember why he was laughing when looking at how intense Adam's face was.

_Gota' win Gota' win Gota' win! _he thought.

He remembered, he invited Adam over to play video games. While Eli was used to the hilarious random shootings and dying hard, Adam was _competitive._

Even Eli was frightened by that side.

When they played _Soul Calibur IV_ an older, fighting game Eli used to play every day with his dad, Adam went berserk. When Eli was about to win, Adam made sure his character died, _hard_.

He remembered Adam cheering for himself and screaming he won at Eli. Eli then remembered it like it was yesterday.

"Calm down man…it's just a game." he was on the verge of laughter on that point.

"Another round? If you can handle it!"

"…sure…"

God, no wonder Adam was his best friend. Nice, funny and quiet at school, INSANE outside of school. There was no other like him he guessed.

He heard the door open downstairs, he heard a male voice. He pushed himself away from his desk and walked out to the stairwell. He looked down from the railing, it was his uncle on his dad's side.

He saw his mother hug him, as his father looked at him.

_Oh God._

They haven't talked since Danny got arrested. They shook hands, his father asked him how he was doing. Eli could feel the awkward all the way from upstairs. He saw his uncle look at him as he and his father hugged, Eli kept a neutral mask and walked back into his room. The sun was almost gone. Nothing but darkness. The sky, no stars, moonlight covered by clouds.

As Eli's life was at that point.

No answers, no hints, just darkness.

Clare went for another 6 AM walk. Only it was more of a run. She ran through her whole neighborhood, not missing a single street. She was wrapped up in jackets again, jeans hugging her legs and squeezing her thighs, mittens smothering her hands. She stopped, her heart was pounding, she stopped and caught her breath. She checked the time on her phone, 6:52. She caught her breath for a few more seconds, then ran back to the cul-de-sac where her house was.

Right as she finished getting back into her 'pajamas' her mother walked in.

"Your up early."

"Rehearsal tomorrow is on the stage. I want to practice."

"Ok." she sighed, "Your working so hard…your dad and I are really proud of you."

Clare smiled, "Really?"

"Yes."

Clare smiled brightly, so perfect…show was in…8 days. 8 more days, and her parents would be on their first date again it would be like.

"I'm sorry again Clare but at 11:30 we have another appointment, long drive, big house…"

"Oh…well I'll stay here."

"Work out?"

Clare nodded, it was always her answer. "Yup."

"Alright. Come have some breakfast."

Clare jumped on the inside, "I will…I want to shower and change…maybe work out before I do."

Her mother raised a suspicious eyebrow, but then she shrugged it off before walking out, "Ok."

She walked out, Clare was about to put on the Nutcracker soundtrack but her mother walked back in, "**Don't skip meals**." she said making _positive _Clare understood her.

"Yes Ma'am." Clare breathed.

Her mother smiled before walking out for the last time.

-X-

Clare didn't eat. She was stretching, doing her sit ups, and sweating like a pig. The songs finished by Clare continued her sit ups. She did 22. Proud, Clare sat up, her chest stomach and back ached. Her thighs started to hurt as well. She pulled herself up and back down to the master,

109.3

19 pounds…it was almost impossible to loose it in one day.

To hell with it, it _was_ impossible.

It was 10:45. She promised her mom she'd eat…but what mom doesn't know won't hurt her. Her mom _was_ suspicious when she didn't come down for lunch or dinner.

Maybe if she exercised all day, then the entire time before rehearsal the next day she'd be 95...

Oh screw it, she'd be lucky to reach 100 pounds.

Back to stretching she told her self, stretching, nothing but sweat she thought. It was all that had to be on her mind. She replayed the album 3 times as she stretched, twirled and sweat. No breaks, no nothing.

She remembered she started seeing a difference when she looked in the mirror…her arms were a bit bonier than they should be… she could see her hip bones clearly when she laid on her back. That's how ballerinas are supposed to look she figured. Bony, thin and quite scary looking. However, they danced so beautifully.

After 30 minutes of stretching, she was nothing but exhausted, sweated down, and wobbly. She finally paused for a second. Going down for some water. She doubted after half an hour she lost anything besides a few ounces. She was afraid of the weight scale, the less weight she lost with the amount of time she had, the more stressed she got.

She went upstairs to stretch some more, however after the first two steps, she stumbled on…well nothing. She fell to her knees, trying not to spill he water. Her hand was still on the stair rail. She breathed heavily as she pulled herself up. She struggled to make it back up the stairs. When she got to her room, she immediately ran to her bed, slamming her cup on her desk, burying her face into the pillow. Trying to ease her nausea.

She laid there for a while, trying to slow her heart beat. She kept sighing every once in a while, she got a half-light headed half headache feeling. No amount of water would make it go away. As she went downstairs to get more water, she knelt down, reaching for a snack bar, then she pulled her hand away.

Absolutely _NO _calories is what would loose the weight. She checked the scale,

108.7

Only 18 more…Come on Edwards! Don't let a little nausea run you down!

Just a quick shower she thought. Hot water would help her. She stood there, scrubbing her skin bright pink and muscles relieved as the pain in her body slowly gave in. But that didn't mean the nausea went away, as Clare could barely stand. She opened the sliding shower door, getting down on her knees sticking her head out, and opening the toilet bowl. She was going to she thought. Nausea this bad only meant one thing.

She could've sworn she stood there for five minutes and nothing. Just nausea, taunting her and mocking her. She switched the water off and stepped out, drying her self completely before putting on the warmer, comfier clothes she picked out. She laid on her bed. Thinking of what to do.

She knew what she was doing to herself was bad for her, she knew what horrible damage she could do to her body inside and out. But what was more important at the time, keeping her body in shape, or keeping her parents together?

She stared at the ceiling…

After a good minute of two, she stood up and put on the album once again, stretching…and struggling.

Eli didn't sleep the night before. First he laid down, tossed and turned for an hour, then he could hear these two drunk people outside of his house on the street yelling at each other who has the car keys, tossed and turned some more. He did fall into a deep, dreamless sleep for about an hour but then for some reason, had _something _unknown on his mind when he woke up, then stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night until dawn.

He was now at his desk, looking out at everything of his window, the snow was falling beautifully that day, calmly and slowly, he watched the flakes build piles outside his house. He was also listening to his father have long talks with his uncle. They mentioned nothing about Daniel or Josh. In fact, they just talked about memories, things they did as children, the time when either one of them was drunk at a family reunion and how they made a fool of themselves.

They were laughing.

Eli knew they were awkward, forced laughs. His mother had gone out, she said she'd leave the boys alone while she did some shopping.

By shopping, she either meant house accessories or groceries.

Eli wanted to be alone however. He wished he was alone. He wished he and his dad would go out and leave him, whether they noticed or not. He had a knot in his stomach again, he didn't want to think about Clare or the ballet right then, he didn't want to think about the guilt of not crying with his parents when his grandmother passed, of not talking to them.

He felt like…dirt.

He felt like he wasn't even a part of his family anymore, all because one person died. Because one person won't listen, because one person doesn't have the strength.

Great…he thought.

I _am _the family pessimist…

And it sucked. It really made him feel like a piece of shit.

Back at home, Clare had stretched for another fifteen minutes, her body finally gave in and couldn't take it any more. She wobbled down the stairs, it was 12:34, her parents should be on their way home by then. She walked into the downstairs bathroom and to the weight scale,

107.7

17...only 17.

Maybe she'd insist she go for a walk later. Until then, sit ups…nothing…but. However, she almost fell simply stepping off the scale. Maybe a nap. Just a small nap she thought.

"Clare?" her mom called, Randall closed the door behind her, her mom walked upstairs to see her, Clare was resting on her bed. There was reddish skin under her eyes…showing her she was _tired_. She walked in and gently kissed her head before walking downstairs to write up her report.

About 20 minutes later, a little power nap as she called it, Clare was up again, the nausea was long gone and she felt as if she had been given a new pair of arms and legs.

"Ok…" she mumbled to herself, "Back to work."

She trotted down the stairs, dressed in warm, winter clothes, she walked into the office, "Mom, dad?"

Her mom turned from her chair, "Clare, I see your up from your nap?"

"Yeah, after breakfast I worked out then I got tired I guess."

Her mother wasn't mentioning the noticeable difference in Clare's figure, the bony, almost skeletal outline of her arms, Clare's chest and stomach literally seemed to be shrinking inward. And down her back when Clare was in a tank top earlier, her mother could barely see her spinal cord going down her back. And she wasn't bending down or anything. But she didn't mention it to Clare.

"I'm going for a walk, I wont leave the neighborhood." she began to exit the house.

"Alright be safe!"

Clare was already outside.

She was running. She seemed to run out of breath after 15 seconds however. She had to continuously stop and catch it. She stopped about 6 times before she reached the other side of the neighborhood. By the time she did reach it however, she was almost on her knees, wheezing, breathless, she felt as if her lungs were being crushed. She started to walk back to the cul-de-sac but she _tried _to run again, she eventually got into it, heart racing, barely any sweat due to the snow but she was trying. By the time she got back to her house, she fell to her knees out on the front porch. Dizzy, exhausted, clutching her chest she breathed in and out. Just out of breath she thought,

Just…breathless.

She slowly picked herself up and opened the door. Still out of breath, she closed the door behind her, "I'm back."

"Already? That was quick."

"Yeah," she replied with a huff of breath.

"You ok?"

"Yeah!" she wobbled into the kitchen, "Just, thirsty."

She got another cup from the cabinet, filling it with water not bothering with the ice and drinking it in one sup. Her heart still raced, she took off her heavy jacket and walked into the bathroom.

105

Just 105. 15...15 more pounds. It was 2:02 in the afternoon, Rehearsal was at 1 the next day, 23 more hours to weigh 90 pounds. She'd do it even if she had to stay up all night.

She walked upstairs. She didn't put on any music. She did sit ups. 25 she told herself. 25 sit ups.

By sit up number 4 however, she was in immense pain. As if she had been exercising for hours.

Wait…

She pushed herself, no matter how she felt like her bones were going to shatter. She was on 9.

She began counting aloud, no matter how badly her muscles were probably tearing and shredding.

19...

20...

21...

Four more…she was drenched in sweat, she felt like she was going to pass out if she moved, let alone breathed.

Fuck, it _hurt _to breath at the moment.

22...

23...

She held her breath,

24!

She felt like she made a huge accomplishment, 24 sit ups without collapsing. She took her water cup from her desk and sipped it. She stood up, sitting on her bed, bouncing a little. She wiped the sweat from her hair. She desperately felt the need for another shower.

_No more checking the weight scale until tonight!_

She'd spend hours exercising, stretching, doing _anything_ 15 more pounds in 23 hours she kept screaming inside her head. She then said 13 more sit ups and back to stretching.

15 minutes of stretching,

30 minutes of stretching,

A fucking hour and five minutes of stretching,

Clare's arms and legs needed the break, but she wouldn't let them. She hadn't eaten lunch, and dinner would be in a couple hours,

_Sorry mom…I can't._

She sat at her desk, she hadn't mentioned the weight loss issue to Alli or Jake. She picked up her phone…she wasn't going to. She put it down, after a minute of relaxation, she forced herself back to the floor.

Sit ups were giving her the most sweat. Right underneath the heater in a jacket.

How many more?

Whenever she felt like she was going to collapse her mind answered. And there she went.

xXx

She ended up doing 14 sit ups, before hopping in the shower again. The total of sit ups she did all day added up to over 50.…only an insane person would do that Clare thought. She was exhausted. By 8 that night, Clare stretched some more, now deeming herself _the _workaholic.

Her mother called her down several times for dinner and she always said, "when I'm done." She was soaked in sweat again, making the last shower completely pointless. The album finished for the seventh time. She stopped, she was about to put it on replay once again but her mom walked in,

"Clare,"

She didn't move from the music player, she scrolled it all the way to the first song again, "Yeah?"

"Dinner?"

"In a sec. When I'm done."

"Honey," she walked inside, "This isn't good for you!"

"I know." she was about to hit play but she set it down, "But, I _have _to or I'm out of show!"

"You don't _have _to do anything!" her mother fought back.

Clare didn't want to argue with her mom. Especially if that's what her plan was to _avoid_. "Yes I do."

"Clare, your overwhelming yourself with this, take a little break."

"I did."

"Longer than 3 minutes Clare."

Clare wiped her bangs out of her eyes, she smirked at her mom, "Ok…I'll be down in a second."

She was down alright, after 4 more hours down in the bathroom on the weight scale, she covered her eyes. It was 9 at night, hours and _hours _of putting her sweat, blood and tears into loosing the weight. She uncovered them,

95.9

5 more. After nearly 12 hours straight of exercising, she hoped something good would happen. She's stay up as long as she could to get rid of the five pounds.

Her parents how ever were going to sleep, Clare wouldn't play music, she kept her door closed with nothing but her lamp on. The silence was peaceful. She did her stretches for an hour, 11 at night…the scale again…it had to be it…

93.2

Damn it…Clare couldn't. She couldn't stretch anymore, another sit up and a muscle would tear for sure. Something else…something had to be done…one last thing…

She closed the door, opening the toilet bowl. She tied her hair back.

She leaned over, looking straight inside the toilet, hands clutching her stomach. She opened her mouth wide, she thrusted, she didn't feel anything, she tried harder, as her mouth began to involuntarily open wider than it should.

She made retched hacking noises as her throat felt clogged, her body began to violently twitch, as she thrusted inward harder. She let go of her stomach and grabbed both edges of the bowl. She hacked harder and harder, she tried. She hacked and coughed until finally, she retched violently into the toilet.

She breathed in, tears falling out of her eyes, she thrusted even more vomiting twice as much. Her ribs squeezed her stomach, as her body ached and pleaded for mercy. Not even stopping for a break, she thrusted inward, vomiting even more, wiping her mouth with a wet towel. Wiping her tears.

3 pounds…

3 vomits…

She checked the weight scale.

90.1.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Disgusted by her new body.

Arms, skinny, weak and limp.

Then this was the first part, she lifted her shirt.

Her stomach was receded, her rib cage visible…although she wasn't sucking in. Her body still ached from the vomiting, she couldn't help it, she breathed in. Just a little.

She let go, gasping in pain.

Her ribs strangled her stomach, it hurt to breath as she normally would.

She was 90 pounds, she'd be on show.

But she didn't. Alvaraz wouldn't be calling her "not dedicated." now.

Her plan would go on…through a rocky and painful path.


	10. Chapter 10

**XFurubaX: Hey everyone! Sorry for the short chapter but I promise its got quality! Just read! STOP WASTING YOUR TIME READING THIS RANDOM MESSAGE AND READ!…XD**

"Come on now! Focus! This is the finale!"

Clare was in the background for the final song. In her regular leotard and stockings, her teacher gave her a simple nod of the head after seeing the weight loss. No praise, no compliments, just a nod.

Clare hated her, then she hated herself.

She should've seen that coming.

Clare had to give her credit though, she was right about staying on her toes easier, and she didn't even hear Victor grunt like he did last time when he lifted her.

The king and queen were in front stage center, Clare was on mid stage right, she'd still be a Danish Shepherdess in this act, as her partner was on the complete opposite side of her. The stage was packed with the entire cast with the exception of the rats, mother and father. Clare began to wonder if her parents would see her on this scene. She figured they'd obviously see her in Sugar Plum Fairy and her Dance of the Reeds. She'd like to know where'd they be sitting.

The song came to an end.

"Curtains close! Then everyone exits, then time for your bows!"

It was the 19th, two days until show…

Clare kept worrying if she'd choke once she got on stage. When she was in 1st grade, she had to sing Part of Your World from _The Little Mermaid_ for her elementary school pageant.

How she remembered it, (how everyone remembered it), face bright red, couldn't stop smiling, choked near the end…literally, a cough.

Of course being 6 at the time everyone thought she was adorable. Her parents and Darcy saying how proud they were of her.

Of course this didn't include singing, or speaking. Just tippy toes, and smiling. Clare kept feeling unusually hot although it was almost as cold as it was outside. Probably due to the movements and her heart pumping.

The song for bows started, Clare had to walk out from the opposite wing of her partner, even though people would recognize her more for being the sugar plum fairy.

_Oh Well_

"Arabs!" she heard Alvaraz call from offstage.

The four Arabian Dancers walked out, bowed, Clare stood in the small crowd of dancers.

"Russians!"

A girl although not on purpose, shoved her out of the way dashing out onto the stage.

"Sheepherders!"

That was her, she smiled, walking out next to her partner with 'high energy' as Alvaraz required, and bowed, trotting to the crowd at the back of the stage.

"Chinese!"

Clare looked out at the seats, their was a huge downstairs section, then an upstairs section for dinner tables. Clare hated crowds, hopefully she wouldn't be looking at the crowd much with all the twirling and focusing she'd have to do. Her mother was squealing with joy that morning, holding the tickets in her hand. She, being good friends with her mother, invited Alli and her parents to come see, they said they weren't sure due to how expensive the tickets were but they thought of maybe just sending Alli with them.

Clare never went to Alli's shows, either she didn't have enough to buy the tickets, or forgot the dates.

Alli never seemed to mind, at times she'd say she was too embarrassed for Clare to see. Alli was never part of a company as big as _The Star Kirov_. The plays her company put on were….well, cheap.

"Now upstage!"

The entire cast, with the king and queen in front stepped to the upper stage,

"Take hands, and bow!"

They did as told, the song after about 3 seconds came to an end.

"Very good!" she nodded with a smile of satisfaction, "Now, go into the dressing rooms, you'll be measured for your costumes!"

Clare was being measured for her Sugar Plum Fairy, she didn't see what is looked like yet, but she couldn't wait. The girls who helped sew it said she had probably the most gorgeous outfit of them.

The girl was measuring around her waist, "Good lord your tiny."

Clare just gave a side smile, the only thing she could do at the moment. She hated being measured around those spots.

"Ok now lift your arms."

Especially this spot.

She measured around and underneath her breasts, trying to make sure she'd still look _15 _in her costume.

Because Clare really wanted to give her dad a heart attack in her costume…

"Thank you." she saw her write down numbers in this little chart she had on a clipboard.

The woman looked at her, she was a homely, 48 year old woman who had been working there for years, she was once the play director but was replaced for unknown reasons, Clare _wished _she was still the director, Clare had talked with her a few times at rehearsals, she was so kind and sweet. Maybe too kind and sweet to be a ballet director.

She gave Clare a look of sympathy, "How hard was it to loose all that weight?"

Clare raised her eyebrows, she really didn't want anyone to know her…_skills_ she used to get it all off.

"Incredibly." Clare felt more comfortable around the woman than with Alvaraz. MUCH more comfortable.

She measured from Clare's ankle to her waist, "You were perfect when you first started, all of these girls were."

Clare pursed her lips, the woman wrote down more numbers, "Julie; Mrs. Alvaraz, has gotten so strict ever since she got divorced."

Clare flinched, "Divorced?"

She nodded, measuring around Clare's neck, "She was quite kind when she first immigrated here from Italy with her husband…he was just so, controlling…and abusive."

Clare's eyes widened, "Abusive?"

"Yes…she'd come here with bruises, black eyes, but she'd insist she was fine. I kept telling her, 'divorce that man!' but she just wouldn't."

That could NOT be true, Mrs. Alvaraz herself seemed like the reason she'd be a divorced woman.

She wrote down more numbers, "Yes…but you want to know what I think, Julie-well, you know who I mean just wants to make sure you grow into proper, strong women, so you don't let anything manipulate or control you. You know, harden up just a bit." She said shaking a fist for emphasis.

Clare still couldn't believe what she was hearing, all this time…it was a lot to take in. But one good things was NOW she knew who she was dealing with.

"Ok, now time to try on your costumes and I'll show you how to do the make up."

"Ok."

-X-

Clare's costume _was_ gorgeous, now she knew why the other girls were jealous.

The Sugar Plum Fairy had a purple top with a built in tutu that puffed out, with somewhat brighter purple or really hot pink sparkles at the V neck, the edges of the sleeves and the edges of the tutu where it also had white fluffs underneath. She'd have her hair pulled back in her usual bun, then she'd have blue, sparkly eye shadow, heavy hot pink lip stick, (which would look natural once she was underneath the blinding stage lights) and of course glitter all over her face which she was sure she was going to enjoy washing off…

She'd then wear her traditional pink stockings (which would change to white when she was in Dance of the Reeds) and pink ballet shoes.

Of course once Dance of the Sugar Plum fairy was over, it was time to rush back stage, take it off as not to _rip _it, then her Shepherdess costume would be made up of a white leotard underneath a see-through, long sleeved glitter covered green-blue over shirt. Her tutu would be turquoise with white stockings and turquoise ballet shoes. She was sure Victor would look similar to her…hopefully not with a skirt.

Clare laughed inside thinking about that.

She saw the old woman was smiling, "What are you smiling at?"

"Oh no, I was just thinking about something."

The woman was putting pins on the shoulder puffs of her Sugar Plum Fairy costume. Clare was narrow around the shoulders, that's why some of shirts tended to slide down so her bra strap could say hello to the world.

"What's that?"

Clare had a strange sense of humor…but with her she didn't seem to mind it, "If my partner for _Dance of the Reeds _had to wear a tutu like me."

She laughed, "I don't think he'd be to happy."

Clare smiled. Why she felt so comfortable around her she didn't know. She reminded her of her grandmother. So sensible and quiet. She felt other peoples feelings. It was weird.

Alvaraz walked in clapping her hands to get everyone's attention, "Alright! Once these few people are done I need to see a few peoples dances one last time, the Arabs and the Shepherdesses! Meet me out on stage once you are done." She exited the room.

"Should I put on my costume?"

"No, I think you'll be fine in your leotard and stockings."

By the time Clare was backstage with Victor, the Arabs were finished. Alvaraz stepped on stage to give them a few tips she had in mind. Clare couldn't look at her the same way, someone like _her _was abused by someone she _loved_?

That had to be painful, not physically, but emotionally. To put all your time and effort to get someone you love to love you back, to feel the sensation of over joy when they propose to you, to then have your heart crushed once their true side comes out.

The pain on the outside is never anything compared to the pain inside.

She saw Alvaraz nod as the Arabs walked off, she gestured the two to walk out on stage.

"I just need to see your techniques once again, literally dance as if its rehearsal."

Victor nodded, "Got it."

As did Clare, "Yes Ma'am." she said oh so politely. Surprising both Alvaraz and Clare. She walked off stage and instructed the orchestra to play. They were in position.

They began their dance, same style as they did before. Same techniques. It was going quite well, and Clare didn't know _why _she'd need to see it again.

They were in the transition from the first verse into the second when suddenly Clare felt dizzy.

"Wait." she told Victor, he didn't hear her as they continued to dance.

"Stop!" he let go, she wobbled around on stage, "just, stop-" she held her head, overwhelmed with nausea, she slumped onto the floor.

Alvaraz walked up, "Is everything alright?"

"No." she was going to throw up, "Does anyone have any cold water?"

Victor walked off, "I'll get some."

Clare kneeled down holding her head, trying not to look at the lights. Mrs. Alvaraz didn't say anything. She just crossed her arms, Clare was unaware of the concerned look she had on her face, she walked off stage.

Victor ran back with an un-opened bottle of water, "Here."

Clare sipped it, she felt immediate relief in her stomach as she had Victor help her up.

"Can you dance?" Alvaraz called.

She took another gulp, "Yeah. Just, go easy on the twirls ok?"

Victor nodded concerned, "Ok."

The orchestra started up again as they continued her dance, Clare suddenly got an uneasy feeling in her stomach…especially with things happening like this two days before show.


	11. Chapter 11

**XFurubaX: Ok guys…It all comes down here. Will Eli finally settle things with Clare? Will Clare have complications while performing? Will her family be retied? Will Jake go too far and break Eli? Think you can handle it? Brace yourselves.**

"_1...2...3...4...5"_

Eli always counted to calm himself down. The weirdest thing happened to him that morning.

He was stressing himself about Clare again that morning. He kept trying to force himself to get his butt to the production studio and sign up for tech even though it was a day before show. Then while he was thinking about Clare, Jake came to his mind. What if he showed up and he tried something on Clare? Out of no where these awful, exaggerating thoughts collaborated in his head of what if he already tried something and Clare was with him? Or what if Clare was the one trying something on him? Or What if he's not who he thought he was and raped Clare? Then Fitz came to his head on top of _those _thoughts. Suddenly, he wasn't in his room, he was in the hallways of Degrassi, lights dimmed Fitz coming toward him with the knife.

He suddenly couldn't breathe. He felt himself light-headed and slowly suffocating as he was sure he was collapsed on the floor when in reality, he was sitting at his desk, leaning over the table sweaty and panting relentlessly. When he finally snapped back into reality, he was calming himself down. Counting to himself in his head.

It was an anxiety attack he realized. He hadn't had one since he was about 12. He forgot how terrifying they were. He was now telling himself Clare was fine, Jake was too 'fragile' to try anything and Clare still loved him. And he loved her. His heart beat slowed as the adrenaline in his hands decreased. He started to remember what hell those attacks put him through.

Therapy, pills, drowsiness because of the pills. His parents always over his shoulder, making sure he wouldn't suffer another attack, always worried about him. It seemed there was always something about him that his parents had to worry about. Other than anxiety disorder, he had anti-sociality for a while, he stopped talking for months for what reason he'd never remember as a child. When he was 10 he never came out of his room, not even when his parents begged him to. He didn't know what was wrong with him, and at times he desperately wanted to know, if he had some personality disorder or if it was just the way he was raised. If _that _was the case it'd be impossible for him to turn out that way with the fun-loving parents he had.

Then of course there were times where he wanted to leave it alone and deal with it. Knowing if that's how it is, then that's how it is. He remembered some time after high school started, sometime after Danny was arrested in fact, he went through this strange depression where for some reason, he couldn't fight. He'd smile and laugh in front of his parents, then lay on his bed whenever he was alone. He finally figured it out that it was because he was afraid of ending up like Josh or Danny. He was able to get his dad to sit down and talk to him about it and his father told him that unlike his brother, he raised Eli with sense.

So how come Eli currently didn't have the sense to talk to Clare every chance he got? He didn't know. He'd never know, but he was finally calmed down now, watching the snow helped a little, he wished things would go back to normal. If he had a time machine he'd definitely change _many _things. Currently it was meeting Fitz in the first place.

xXx

It was the day before show, Clare was in her room practicing her Sugar Plum Fairy dance. Not much space to run around but it was the most she could do. She'd be at the studio by 6, show didn't start till 8. Her parents would be in the center row. Hopefully no one tall would be in front of them. It was 1 in the afternoon, she had been practicing for over an hour. Clare drank 6 cups of water so far that day, there was no chance she'd almost pass out on stage again. She ate a banana also that day, it didn't effect her much, she weighed 90.4 pounds. Her stomach hadn't felt cramped up since she did. She was thinking of having a small lunch but was too focused in her dance. Right at the end of the song there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" she yelled, squeezing her foot, already cramped by the wooden block. Running down the stairs, she glanced at the peep hole. It was Alli. She unlocked it, opening it up.

"Hey lady!" she hugged Clare.

She smiled, "Hey."

Alli pulled back with a shocked expression, "Oh my god…" she scanned Clare up and down.

"…yeah." Clare did not feel flattered at the moment. However she's known Alli long enough to know she isn't the complementary type.

"Well…don't you look…like a twig."

Clare rolled her eyes, "But I did it didn't I?"

Alli shook her head "Yeah ok. Anyways," she pulled something out of her pocket, "Look what I got!" it was a ticket to the ballet.

"You bought it?"

Alli nodded with a giddy expression.

"But they cost 100 dollars a piece!"

"Yes, but my mom talked to yours and I'm going to the show with them!"

Clare smiled then Alli raised a hand,

"But, unfortunately, Jake's dad wouldn't let him go. He even insisted paying for it himself but nope. His dad's an ass, I swear," Clare was trying to say something, "How does someone like him live with such a-"

"Alli!" she finally got her to shut up. "That's too bad and all, and I'm happy your coming I really am but, I need to practice."

Alli winced in confusion, "Don't you practice before show?"

Clare sighed, "No, we get our costumes on and make up, tech has to work on lights the microphones for the orchestra and tune the instruments, all that crap."

Alli stood there, looking at the floor like she was deep in thought, then brought her head back up, "Ok. I was just letting you know. I would've called but I was _way _too excited." She whirled around to the door, "I'll see you tomorrow." and she was gone. Clare smiled, then dropping it, running back upstairs, however half way she stopped, peeking into the office, her dad had an old video camera in his hand and was looking through it,

"Ok, do you think I could use this one Helen?"

Her mom looked, "Oh my god that's ancient." her father slowly rotated it around the room, "Yeah, but it works. It's got a great focus."

"Does it zoom?"

"Yup, I see a close up of the painting, I see the day planner," he turned to the door, not expecting Clare, he smiled, "And I see a beautiful girl!" Clare snickered. He put the camera down, "What are you doing?"

She walked in, "Breaking from practicing my dance." she childishly wrapped her arms around her mother's neck from the back, rarely getting to love with her anymore. Helen lovingly held her hand, a little suspicious.

"What's gotten into you?"

"I'm in a good mood I guess."

Her mother looked at her, "I'll take free hugs any time." she kissed her cheek.

"Ok, we are using this one to film our daughter in action, not because it works well, because it's the only camera we've got!" he reminded Helen.

Clare drooped her head on her mother's shoulder lovingly. She heard her mother laugh. She couldn't believe it. She had a family again. And it was thanks to her…well, also thanks to Jake. She never would've thought of it if it wasn't for him. She had an idea. She let go of her mother, saying she was going to go practice some more, picking up her phone as she got upstairs.

She scrolled through her contacts, she slowed down the speed trying to find his name, then she saw "Eli". She stopped. She looked at the contact, holding her thumb right above it. She pressed it.

Sliding her thumb upward, moving it out of sight. Still looking for Jake's name. She found it. She hesitated for a second, then pressed it. She closed the door and put it to her ear, looking at the snow fall outside her window. It rang about three times. She wondered if he would answer until the fourth ring was cut short.

When it answered, she could hear a loud collaboration of noises in the background.

"_Hello?"_

"Jake?" God it was weird. This was the first time she'd called him.

"_Clare?"_

"Hey." she said, trying to add a smile to her tone.

"_Hey." _he seemed thrilled to hear from her.

She plugged her other ear up trying to hear him clearly, "Can you talk?"

"_What?"_

She raised her voice a little, "Can you talk?"

"_Oh yes! Just, let me get somewhere quieter." _there was a short pause and the sounds in the background were suddenly gone. _"Sorry, my dad always watches the races."_

"It's fine," she sat down on the chair, "There's actually something I wanted to say-"

"_Before you do, I'm sorry I can't come to your show. My dad he's…lets just go with ass hole."_

"Oh no! It's ok," she began picking at her nails, a habit she had sometimes, "I wanted to say something else."

"_What is it?"_

She took a second, "Thank you."

There was a moment of silence, Jake was confused on the other end.

"_Thank you?"_

"Yes."

"_For what?"_

"For…the idea of, seeing what my parents had in common. If it wasn't for you…I never would've had a family again. Just, thank you ok? Thank you so much." she explained as sincere as possible.

There was another moment of silence. Jake was smiling on the other end, happy he finally did something, as his dad would never say, 'useful'. _"Your Welcome. Clare, I'm coming to your show."_

Clare stood up, "But your dad sa-"

"_Screw what my dad said!" _she's never heard him talk like that, _"I'm 16 years old I think I can decide if I can go to a 2 and a half hour play or not."_

She started twirling her hair, "The tickets cost 100 dollars!"

"_I don't work a part time job for nothing Clare."_

She was hesitant, the last thing she wanted was for this guy to get in trouble with his dad, "Are you sure?"

"_I'm positive. I'll see you tomorrow."_

"…ok bye."

"_Bye."_

They hung up. Clare did not know what he and his dad were going to do in the next 30 seconds. She turned on her music player however, and began practicing one last time. But she stopped in the middle of it. She paused her music player and plopped on her bed. For some reason she was thinking of Jake. How kind he's been to her from the start, how he's only been trying to help from the start. If only there was a way she could help him, with his dad being tough on him, yet still turning out as this, sweet individual, she'd buy him something. Maybe…a gift card…she couldn't afford a ticket to the show for him, she didn't know, an iTunes gift card? Everyone likes music. She'd buy it for him on the way to show the next day.

Her phone suddenly vibrated, she expected Jake but it was a text message from Alli, it read,

"_Want to go out for lunch later?"_

"_Sure, I'll get ready."_

"_K! Meet me at the dot at about 2-ish!"_

Very descriptive Alli…

She didn't feel like staying home all day with nothing to do anyway. She left her leotard on however and threw on a shirt and jacket on over it. She unlaced her ballet shoes and pulled off her stockings grabbing some jeans and socks.

"Mom!" she called slamming her sock drawer closed, "Alli invited me to lunch!"

"Ok! What time?"

Oh how she loved it when Alli described times, "About, 2 she said!"

"Ok!"

She couldn't feel any more secure with hiding her bony figure underneath her baggy, oversized jacket. Her jeans helped a bit, however she now had to put on a belt to keep them from slipping. She pulled the tie out of her hair, running her fingers through it trotting down stairs. She realized the time was 1:52 and Alli was probably standing outside already. She rushed on a pair of boots, "Bye mom!"

Inside the dot, all Clare ordered was an iced water (in which the waiter gave her a strange look, as how could any insane person want _iced _water in snow?) and a salad. Alli ordered a grilled cheese.

"So you nervous or excited?"

"A little both I guess." she shoved more lettuce into her mouth.

"Don't be, once you get on stage and get into character its so much fun…" she realized Clare was zoning out.

"Hey!" she waved a hand in front of her.

She shook her head, "Sorry."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing important."

Alli raised an eyebrow, "Are you scared it won't work?"

Clare snorted, "Trust me, it's working." she sipped her water, although her body was craving hot chocolate.

"Then what is it? I've seen that look before. Your sad about something." She bit out of her sandwich.

"Just…Jake if you must now."

Alli smirked, "Ooh…" Clare threw a hand at her,

"No no! I mean. Him and his dad, I feel sorry for him. And he's so sweet."

"I know. He says we're lucky we haven't met him in person." she commented adding her usual sarcastic tone.

"He told me he's going to try and buy the ticket on his own but I'm afraid of what his father might do to him." she was getting into her dramatic princess moment.

Alli sat up, "You mean hit him?"

"Yes! You heard what his father said to him just for asking to go to a _show_."

Alli leaned forward, "Clare, it's not that bad. If he knows something will go wrong, he'll avoid it."

Clare pushed her hair behind her ear, sipping her water again, "Ok…just, all the drama lately finally hit me I guess."

Alli laughed, "I was wondering when it would."

Clare smiled, then she looked out the window at all the snow, "This day has been dragging on forever is all."

"All days before show drag on forever. Trust me." she took another bite.

Clare rested her cheek on her hand, "Why do I feel so bummed?"

Alli shrugged, "Why would you? It's your first ballet show, you should be excited."

Clare sat up, she was thinking again. She was staring at the table when Alli noticed her, "What?"

Clare snapped out of it, "I was…thinking about something else."

Alli raised her eyebrows, "Clare, you'll do great!"

Clare nodded, "I know.." she said quietly, "I know." she wiped underneath her eye, but calmed herself down before causing a scene in the middle of the restaurant. The two ate the rest of their meals.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

It was now night and Eli hadn't moved from his spot. He was still at his desk with his head down, shaking cold. He listened to his parents leave for work, come home from work then have small chats downstairs about their day. Eli actually did nothing all day.

Literally, nothing, he didn't read, he didn't go to sleep, play music or watch television, nothing. He remembered always being exhausted after having such attacks as he finally had enough strength to lift his head up. He kept looking at his hand to see if it was still shaking but it had stopped, albeit a few twitches every few seconds. He wiped his hair out of his face, it was pitch black out with the exception of the neighbor's house lights and the street lights. He couldn't see snow falling but there were even more piles outside than from the day before.

He watched a few cars drive by every 15 minutes listening to the TV that was on downstairs. However, a mini-van pulled up into their driveway. The mini-van looked vaguely familiar but he didn't think hard enough to remember who's it was. He saw two shadowy figures step out. He couldn't see their faces but he saw them walking up to his door. Then of course he heard a knock on the door. He still didn't have the strength to get up but he listened as the door opened and heard an almost hysterical greeting from his mother. He was sure it was the good kind of hysterical. He struggled as he pushed down against his desk as he lifted himself. He stumbled once toward his door but was able to make it down the hallway fine. He looked down the stairway and saw his grandfather in a tight embrace with his mother. He was happy to see that he was doing ok since….wait, he saw someone holding his father.

It was his grandmother.

Eli still watched from the top of the stairs. A little freaked out as his heart pounded a few times upon seeing her. She then embraced his mother once his grandfather was done. It came to him…maybe his grandfather on his dad's side died…she was the only member left in his father's immediate family…up until now. That would've explained the awkward visit from his uncle.

He heard his mother, "I'm so happy you could come!"

Eli wanted to hug her himself, as he could've used one anyway but didn't. He watched them have a mini-reunion for about five more minutes and walked back into his room. He stopped however, walking into the upstairs office, he looked up the address of _The Star Kirov _and had a plan…even though he'd get into deep shit if he got caught.

~X~

At last it was next day, the day of show.

It took Clare hours to get out of bed however, last minute stage fright as her mother called it. She remembered her mother yelling how proud she was all the way across the parking lot when Clare was walking in with her bag full of her ballet gear. If she was _that _proud of the fact she was in it, then wait until her parents saw her perform. All of the other performers including the kind old woman greeted her once she walked into the usual rehearsal room where she began stretching. It was 6:30, and show didn't start until 8 sharp. After a good half hour of stretches, Mrs. Alvaraz walked in, wearing even what Clare admired, the most gorgeous black dress she'd ever seen.

"Everyone!" her voice echoed, "Tonight, is opening night. The most important night next to closing night! I know, you will all put your up most effort, all your courage, and all your strength into this production." She looked at Clare more specifically, "As you all have, during rehearsals." she smiled at Clare, "Thank you. Now get in costume and make up!" She exited.

Clare smiled, tying her hair back into the shortest bun possible. She walked into her dressing room where both her costumes hung. She slowly slipped into her Sugar Plum Fairy dress, knowing she wouldn't have to be out on stage for another 20 minutes. She put on the eye shadow and lipstick, before sprinkling the glitter all over her face and hair. She didn't leave the mirror until she was sure she was perfect and walked back stage, standing in the wing where she'd exit. She was right in the interlude of the March. Clara has just met the Nutcracker who is now a prince, and is taking her to a far away land. She had to stand through two more songs not including that one. She kept silent and in perfect posture until she felt a finger tap her shoulder. She turned around.

"Clare?"

She was shocked, "Jake?" she whispered as loudly as she was aloud to.

He smiled brightly, "Hey."

She was both delighted but surprised to see him, "How are you here?" he held a finger in front of his lips telling her to shush,

"I snuck in back stage, told my dad I had to work Anderson's night shift 'cause he missed."

Clare smiled, she looked back out, the March was over and it was time for the snowflakes to come in.

"So what are you now?"

"Sugar Plum Fairy."

Jake nodded, "Got it!" he whispered, trying to show he was excited for her. Clare couldn't move any farther from the tape line behind the curtain showed, she wanted to see the audience, or at least find her parents and Alli.

Happily, and unfortunately for Clare, one of two songs ended too quickly, anxiety built up in her chest as the second song began. It was her elementary school pageant all over again. She loosened her shoulders, breathing out. She heard Jake from behind her,

"You ok?"

"Now I am."

Eli was just sneaking in back stage, no one was there but he could see lights from behind the walls, he also heard the music…he snuck into the left wings making sure no one noticed him. He couldn't find Clare until he saw her on the other side of the stage. She was barely recognizable as she looked like a twig compared to when Eli last saw her. But it was here…the same pretty eyes. He didn't bother trying to get her attention as he'd surprise her later. The song ended, the prince took Clara to mid-stage right as Clare was supposed to enter about then. Clare breathed out one last time. Stepping out onto stage.

She smiled kindly at Clara and the prince as the song began. She walked out to front stage and began her dance. She didn't look for Alli or her parents as she was scared by the audience. She stared at the spot light directly ahead of her even though it was blinding her. Until she did her first twirl of course.

Her parents and Alli were in the fifth row, her father video taping her and her mother and Alli with bright smiles on her faces as Alli leaned forward in her seat over the head rest of the other despite the man sitting there.

Eli and Jake both watched in awe. Jake couldn't stop looking at her as she was so graceful…so confident. Eli then noticed Jake on the other side of stage as he was watching Clare. He kept moving his eyes back and forth between the two. Before anyone of them knew it, the song ended, and the audience clapped and cheered, her mother clapping the hardest. Clare smiled as she gracefully trotted off the stage back to where she and Jake had been standing. The girls who were playing as rat minions patted her shoulder as she walked farther into the wing,

"That was great!" a girl whispered before they ran out on stage. She smiled, exhaling.

"That was amazing." Jake smiled.

Clare smiled, her hand on her heart, "Thanks. I have to change into my other costume." She walked past him back to the dressing rooms,

"Do you need me to go with you?" he said…truthfully wanting an excuse to be with her.

"No, its ok."

Eli saw her walking backstage. He followed her, but stopped as he saw her opening the door to the dressing rooms.

"Clare!"

The door had already shut. Clare stopped. She thought she head something. She'd see later and rushed to her dressing room. Touching up her make-up and slipping on her Danish Shepherdess costume. Victor was to have a fake wooden flute in his hand for some of the dance. She began looking for hers unable to find it, she sighed aggravated and ran back to her position in stage. Eli was standing by the door that led to the dressing rooms she opened it, Clare rushed past him,

"Clare…"

She looked back at him for a second and ran to her stage position. He stood there as the heavy door next to him slammed closed, although no one would hear it. He saw what role she was then, _Dance of the Reeds _he remembered…didn't she need a flute? He then saw one, sitting on a box of other props in the corner of a wing. He picked it up, back on the opposite set of wings of Clare and Jake.

_Russian Dance _was just beginning. The song right before Clare and Victors, three girls danced merrily and rapidly along with the song, using an over the roof amount of energy. He was about to walk over and hand her the flute when she noticed, Victor was next to her, and he brought her one. Clare was getting last minute fright again. Jake rubbed her shoulders,

"Don't be nervous."

Clare nodded, "Ok."

"Your gonna do great."

"Thank you."

All Eli saw was Jake rubbing her shoulders…not sure if it was flirtatious or out of preparation. However it was…he found himself on the verge of breaking the flute in half…with one fist. He stopped tightening his fist when Clare looked at him for a second as she went to retie her ballet laces. He smiled warmly to let her know he was there for her. She simply pursed her lips at him and went to retie.

The song ended, the audience clapped. The girls bowed to the prince and Clara and skipped off stage. Clare stepped forward with Victor behind her, her serious expression snapped to cheerful and gleeful as she stepped out. They were in position. The song began. Alli leaned even more forward (if that was possible) her father zoomed in the camera and her mother smiled, taking pictures with her phone.

Eli watched, impressed by her dancing as Jake continued to admire. Clare however wasn't so sure. She prayed she wouldn't get dizzy like last time. She felt fine however. Confident, comfortable…the hot feeling in her chest began to fade as she became lost in her part. It was time for the 20 second on her toes scene where a 'rat' appeared. As Clare backed all around the stage high on her toes, Eli and Jake looked at each other for the fist time. Eli gave him his typical 'death stare' as Jake's smile faded into a rather 'competitive' face. He ignored it and looked back at Clare, as it was the last verse.

The song was over. The audience clapped and whistled. Victor and Clare trotted off the stage. Victor smiled at her, rubbing her shoulder in pleasure and walked to the other set of wings for the final song which would be coming soon. Clare smiled, a little too much for her own liking. She did it. She thought. Her mother and Alli were clapping as her father whistled, unable to clap with the camera in one hand.

Jake put a hand on her shoulder, "You were incredible." Clare looked at him, "Thanks…" she sighed, looking up at him as usual, "For everything." Jake lowered his head, in both embarrassment and modesty.

"It was no problem…anything for a friend I guess."

Clare smiled, waiting for the finale to come although it wasn't for another four songs.

After the long while, it was finally the finale, the defeat of the rat king, Clara and the prince began the song, then the Chinese jumped right into the song, then the Arabs, Clare and Victor jumped in afterward, Clare had never twirled so much in her life. Nor had she smiled. She felt herself actually enjoying herself. The song was high in spirit, full in energy, filled with happiness and at the same time, had that 'the end' feeling to it. The song ended, everyone in their traditional positions. The audience clapped, cheered, whistled, many people stood up. Clare's eyes looked around in the audience, she finally found her parents and Alli, who were among the standing people. She smiled at them, nodding her head letting her know she saw them.

Her father finally shut off the camera as it was low on battery. Him and Helen looked at each other…for once smiling. Helen leaned in and the two kissed. Clare's stomach flipped…she watched them. When her mother finally pulled away, they smiled and went back to clapping. Alli smiled at her, giving her a thumbs up. Clare was so happy she could cry. The entire cast forgot about bows. They stood there bowing without the song. As did Clare. She sucked up her crazy happy sob and walked back to where Jake was. Eli looked over the cast to see her.

She wiped a forming tear.

Jake smiled…although he was concerned, "Are you ok?" he talked at a normal pitch as no one would hear him over the cheers and claps.

"They love each other."

"What?"

"My mom and dad are going to stay together."

Jake smiled, "It's all because of you-"

"No-" she raised a hand stopping him. He was confused, before he could question her, she spoke, "It was because of you…thank you."

He smiled, "Clare I-" she stopped him, she stood on her toes and kissed him. Eli could finally see…unhappy by what he saw. It was a deep, passionate kiss. She pulled back, Jake both delighted and shocked.

A wide smiled on their faces, "Your welcome." Clare got back down on her feet still smiling. The rest of the cast began to head to their dressing rooms, crowding in the wings. Eli's fist was tightening, forgetting he head the flute in his hand, he was sure he heard the wood crack. He didn't know who to blame, Jake or Clare?

It was Clare's doing…she was the one to kiss. He couldn't believe it…he was loosing his mind although he was just standing there. He watched them stand there for another second, then Clare walk back to her dressing room. He saw Jake still standing there. Smiling, rubbing the back of his head.

Eli was finally going to settle this, dropping the flute and following her to her dressing room. The door wasn't locked and Clare was dressed, fortunately otherwise they would've had an awkward settling. She was washing her make up off with a wet towel.

He had calmed down by the time he found her room, and let a breath go, "Clare."

She looked at his reflection through the mirror,

"I know after all the Fitz issues you were mad at me. And again, I'm sorry…" he took a second…trying not to yell, "But that doesn't mean you can just-leave without talking to me first! You kissed that…whatever his name is and I saw it! I can't believe out of all people you-"

He stopped, Jake was behind him, "Clare! Alli found me, your parents are looking for you!" He was even angrier than he started, Clare stood up, finally rid of the makeup,

"Tell them I'm coming."

Jake walked back to the stage, Eli looked back at her, "Look, can we please finish talk-" however Clare walked off.

Clare walked…right through him.

Literally, she didn't push past him or anything, not even take notice. Through him like he wasn't even there. Eli was horrifyingly confused, he turned around and watched her walk off as if nothing happened. He stood there, confused so much his head was starting to hurt. He backed up into the room. He noticed something on the counter…her wooden flute.

However, he recognized it as the two flutes were different colors (one white the other turquoise) that was the exact same turquoise flute he was going to give Clare…so that wasn't an extra he had? Or thought he had?

He backed up from the counter, head in his hands…he was breathing in and out, announcing the world he was confused, he was knocked back into being unable to talk. He was unable to breath…not another one. He stood there for a second…he stopped…he had to…he had to…

He felt around his stomach.

And he felt the edge of something…something smooth, he felt as if he was reaching into a hole to grab it. He felt tears in his eyes as he grabbed it…pulling it slowly. It was out…he recognized it. It was Fitz's knife. Leaving a bloody hole barely visible in his stomach. He exclaimed frightened, dropping the blade onto the floor…covered in his blood. He backed up against the wall. Heavily in tears. He looked at the mirror…no reflection. None. He sat in the chair, reality finally hit him. He was finally crying. Burying his face into his hands. It was slowly coming back to him,

"Ok, look Fitz-I'm sorry! For Every-"

"Quiet!…"

He finally had him cornered at a locker. "Someone's gotta make you shut up."

He lunged the knife at him. Eli jerked back, and Clare screamed and…nothing…

Eli felt like he had been punched in the stomach…and suddenly, his body twitched as he gagged…He saw Fitz with a smirk backing away. Clare ran up to him, shoving him violently,

"**WHY?"** She screamed with no mercy. She attacked him.

He sunk to the floor, the blood in his mouth tasted like bile. He was breathing in hopeless pain. He could feel the handle of the knife. He tried to pull it but had no energy. He heard the loud clacking of heels and suddenly he was in someone's arms. He could see Clare,

"Eli?"

He coughed up some more blood, but not a vomit amount. He couldn't talk at the moment,

She breathed in, nearly in tears, "Eli?" she said with an unbelievable high pitch.

"I'm fine." he forced out, his body aching with each word. "I'm ok…just don't touch it."

She held Eli closely, "I didn't mean what I said-"

"No! I deserved it…" He dropped his head backwards, eyes completely focusing on the ceiling,

"Eli?" she held him tighter, he pulled his head back up,

"Clare…he was able to lift a hand to tilt her eyes into his, "Remember the good times…only the good. Ok?"

She nodded, tears creeping out, "Ok." she mumbled barely able to hear herself,

"And please…when the time is right…move on…I want you happy."

She scrunched up, "What?"

"Find someone, who makes you happy. Please…I want you happy."

She closed her eyes with even more tears seeping out, "Yes…when the time his right." she gently rubbed his head.

He was in too much pain to even _cry_.

She suddenly breathed in, "But why are you telling me this? Your gonna be ok!" she half yelled with a nearly hysterical tone.

"No…" he held her hand.

"I'm not…thank you Clare…"

"For what?"

"…everything." he slowly leaned his head back in the crook of her arm, she slid a hand over his eyes, holding them closed, her lip quivering.

"It doesn't hurt anymore…"

His hand slowly slid out of hers as he laid silent for about five seconds. She couldn't do it but she forced herself, she slid her hand off of Eli's eyes, closed. More tears kept coming as she held him tightly close,

"Wake up Eli." she went hysterical into his shoulder, burying her face, "Wake up. Eli."

"I want to see your eyes!" she breathed and twitched with all of her tears, "Please show me your eyes!"

"_Please!"_

**XFurubaX: This is not the end. Please leave kind reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

Eli raised his head. Still no reflection. He finally took everything in…letting go…Had he actually said that?

Clare was just doing what he wished…finding someone to make her happy…

He had Jake to thank…he made her smile for the first time since that incident. It was because of him. And all this time he blamed him…he thanked Jake to himself before finally doing one last thing.

He was back at home, looking at his parents and grandparents talk. He watched them…it had been a month…his mother was finally smiling. He smiled at his family as they seemed to be getting back into the rhythm….their usual happy rhythm.

He moved on with his death…and he guessed they finally moved on.

X

Clare was outside the studio hugging her parents.

"You were so beautiful! Honey!" her mother yelled cheerfully. Her father rubbed her head, "And we got it on tape." he looked at the camcorder before nodding, "Please tell me I took the lenses cap off…"

Helen rolled her eyes at him and told him to look for the keys. They were waiting for Alli's parents to pick her up albeit they insisted they'd bring her home.

"You rocked Clare!" she giggled. Clare was standing there however looking at the ground.

"What's wrong?"

She smiled…tears in her eyes.

"Eli would've loved it."

Alli smiled modestly, nodding in agreement.

"I felt him…he watched me."

Alli winced in confusion, "What?"

"Eli saw me dance." she said, a single tear fell as she looked back at the studio.

**The End**


End file.
